My Head is Going to Explode

Yes, I have some weird allergy/ear thing going on giving me headaches and dizzy spells, but that's not why my head is going to explode. It's going to explode from spending the day "communicating" with a toddler.

I was reminiscing today on Parker's baby days. You know, back when he would cry and cry and cry and I would wish he could talk so I could know what he needed right away. As a first time mom, I guess I didn't fully realize the implications of that wish. I decided that (as Parker finally finishes eating breakfast) I would share with you what a normal day is now like since Parker can talk (bear in mind I've already had to get up twice three four times to serve help Parker in the two fifteen minutes since I've started writing this).

So earlier this morning Parker was taking a bath after waking up soaked with pee, even after being wrapped in two overnight diapers (off topic question - at what age do kids usually stop needing a diaper/pull-up at night after they've already been potty trained? I'm seriously thinking it might still be worthwhile to invest in cloth diapers if P's still going to need something at night for awhile).

Back to the bath. He's in the bath playing with a toy shark while I'm sitting on the toilet drinking some tea. The shark he's playing with starts talking to me in a deep voice.

P: "Hello Mama. What are you doing today?"

Me: "I'm drinking some tea. What are you doing?"

P: "I'm just fine."

Me: (I bust out in a pathetic explanation of the difference between "how" and "what")

P: (still in shark voice) "Mama, how are you today?"

Me: "I'm OK -- a little tired though. How are you today?"

P: "I'm fine. What are you doing today, Mister Mama?"

Me: "Well, after I drink my tea, I'd like to eat breakfast, read my Bible, get dressed and then go grocery shopping."

P: (Reverting back to Parker) "No, I don't want to go! I want to stay here with Dada and play!"

Me: "Sorry, Bud. Dada went to work. It's Monday (start singing a lousy rendition of the Mama's and The Papa's song)... Hey, don't drink that water! It's soapy!"

P: "It's not soapy."

Me: "Yes it is. I just washed you with soap. Look at how cloudy it is!"

P: "Sharks like dirty water."

Me: "They do, huh?"

P: "Yes."

(A minute or two passes while Parker sings "Monday, Monday" and then he pauses to pick his nose and flick his prize into the water.)

P: "I put boogies in the water. Water boogies!" (He laughs like he made the best joke ever and proceeds to dig for more "water boogies.")

Me: (Clearly annoyed) "Are you ready to get out yet?"

P: "I don't want to go to the store! I want to stay here and play!"

Me: "Don't worry, Bud. You'll have time to play. Look at me. I'm not ready. I still have to eat breakfast and get dressed."

P: "I want to eat breakfast, too!"

Me: "OK. What do you want for breakfast?"

P: "Hmm... maybe nothing."

Me: "How about oatmeal?"

P: "Hmm... maybe juice."

Me: "You can have juice if you get out."

P: "OK. I want juice Mister Mama. I want to stay here in my warm towel and YOU get my juice."

Me: (Tempted to bow) "OK, fine." (Proceed to take him out of the bath and then get his [mostly water but don't tell him that] juice.)

P: "I want to go pee-pee, Mama!"

Me: "OK. Stand up, please, and let's go on the potty."

P: "No, I want to sit down on the potty."

Me: "OK, but you need to stand up first, Dude."

P: "I want my towel on. Put it on my back and make sure it doesn't get pee-pee on it. (After peeing) I want to go poo-poo, Mama. I need a magazine."

Me: (Thinking) Oh man, this is going to be a loooooooooong day.

In my prayer later: Thank you, Lord, for my son's ability to talk. I know I complain, and please forgive me for that, but I do appreciate his whiney cute little voice and his demanding sweet demeanor. May he live a long, full, blessed life. Amen.

Thank goodness God has a sense of humor (I hope).
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"Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him." - Proverbs 30:5