My Head is Going to Explode

Yes, I have some weird allergy/ear thing going on giving me headaches and dizzy spells, but that's not why my head is going to explode. It's going to explode from spending the day "communicating" with a toddler.

I was reminiscing today on Parker's baby days. You know, back when he would cry and cry and cry and I would wish he could talk so I could know what he needed right away. As a first time mom, I guess I didn't fully realize the implications of that wish. I decided that (as Parker finally finishes eating breakfast) I would share with you what a normal day is now like since Parker can talk (bear in mind I've already had to get up twice three four times to serve help Parker in the two fifteen minutes since I've started writing this).

So earlier this morning Parker was taking a bath after waking up soaked with pee, even after being wrapped in two overnight diapers (off topic question - at what age do kids usually stop needing a diaper/pull-up at night after they've already been potty trained? I'm seriously thinking it might still be worthwhile to invest in cloth diapers if P's still going to need something at night for awhile).

Back to the bath. He's in the bath playing with a toy shark while I'm sitting on the toilet drinking some tea. The shark he's playing with starts talking to me in a deep voice.

P: "Hello Mama. What are you doing today?"

Me: "I'm drinking some tea. What are you doing?"

P: "I'm just fine."

Me: (I bust out in a pathetic explanation of the difference between "how" and "what")

P: (still in shark voice) "Mama, how are you today?"

Me: "I'm OK -- a little tired though. How are you today?"

P: "I'm fine. What are you doing today, Mister Mama?"

Me: "Well, after I drink my tea, I'd like to eat breakfast, read my Bible, get dressed and then go grocery shopping."

P: (Reverting back to Parker) "No, I don't want to go! I want to stay here with Dada and play!"

Me: "Sorry, Bud. Dada went to work. It's Monday (start singing a lousy rendition of the Mama's and The Papa's song)... Hey, don't drink that water! It's soapy!"

P: "It's not soapy."

Me: "Yes it is. I just washed you with soap. Look at how cloudy it is!"

P: "Sharks like dirty water."

Me: "They do, huh?"

P: "Yes."

(A minute or two passes while Parker sings "Monday, Monday" and then he pauses to pick his nose and flick his prize into the water.)

P: "I put boogies in the water. Water boogies!" (He laughs like he made the best joke ever and proceeds to dig for more "water boogies.")

Me: (Clearly annoyed) "Are you ready to get out yet?"

P: "I don't want to go to the store! I want to stay here and play!"

Me: "Don't worry, Bud. You'll have time to play. Look at me. I'm not ready. I still have to eat breakfast and get dressed."

P: "I want to eat breakfast, too!"

Me: "OK. What do you want for breakfast?"

P: "Hmm... maybe nothing."

Me: "How about oatmeal?"

P: "Hmm... maybe juice."

Me: "You can have juice if you get out."

P: "OK. I want juice Mister Mama. I want to stay here in my warm towel and YOU get my juice."

Me: (Tempted to bow) "OK, fine." (Proceed to take him out of the bath and then get his [mostly water but don't tell him that] juice.)

P: "I want to go pee-pee, Mama!"

Me: "OK. Stand up, please, and let's go on the potty."

P: "No, I want to sit down on the potty."

Me: "OK, but you need to stand up first, Dude."

P: "I want my towel on. Put it on my back and make sure it doesn't get pee-pee on it. (After peeing) I want to go poo-poo, Mama. I need a magazine."

Me: (Thinking) Oh man, this is going to be a loooooooooong day.

In my prayer later: Thank you, Lord, for my son's ability to talk. I know I complain, and please forgive me for that, but I do appreciate his whiney cute little voice and his demanding sweet demeanor. May he live a long, full, blessed life. Amen.

Thank goodness God has a sense of humor (I hope).
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"Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him." - Proverbs 30:5

Wait, I'm Not Invincible?

I've been keeping really busy today, but somehow have found that there's still been plenty of time for reflection. I'm attempting to write everything out in the hopes that by the end of it I will stop feeling sorry for myself and be thankful to God for what I do have.

After a visit to the doctor yesterday, my invincibility cloak (bad Harry Potter pun/metaphor) has slipped off my shoulders. Finally, after almost four years, I have a plausible diagnosis of a chronic pain in my lower left abdomen. August 28th, 2005 - I lugged a much-too-heavy suitcase upstairs and shortly afterward was doubled up in pain on my bed. I waited as long as I could stand it before I went to see a doctor. I had a CT scan done and a pelvic ultrasound. No hernia or other obvious answer for the pain showed up. The doctor I was seeing happened to have endometriosis herself and decided that's what I had as well. She told me that she had never been able to have kids because she had waited too long. She went on to mention that if I wanted to have kids, I'd better start trying now before the disease progressed farther because "it could take you five years to get pregnant... if you're lucky!"

Jake and I discussed it. We weren't sure we were ready. We had been together over six years, but we had just gotten married in June, and Jake had just had brain surgery in July! Did we want to take the risk of bringing a kid into this world in the midst of all these big things? But we decided that yes, we did want kids, and if it might take years to get pregnant, we were willing to give it a shot.

The next month, I was pregnant. What happened to five years? A couple of days before Thanksgiving, I had a miscarriage. Thinking at first that the miscarriage could have been because of the supposed endometriosis, we waited six months and tried again. Within a month, I was pregnant again. So much for endometriosis. But then, the pain practically disappeared during my pregnancy. I had a few "episodes" as I called them, but nothing that lasted too long. Huh, I thought. Maybe it was endometriosis. But the pain didn't really return after Parker was born. If it did, it was little episodes like I had during my pregnancy that I didn't worry about.

Then, about a month ago, the pain came back full force. Sometimes it felt like it did that first night and the pain was so bad I almost wanted to cry. Other times it was more mellow, and then sometimes there would be almost a whole day without pain. But it always started up again.

I had recently started eating peanut butter again after laying off of it for awhile because it made me feel blah, and I thought maybe the pain was a strange reaction to peanut butter. I kept a food journal, and it seemed as though it were possible. I stopped eating peanut butter and within a few days the pain was gone. Then I ate it to test it out. The pain returned six hours later! I thought maybe, just maybe, I had found the answer. But after stopping the peanut butter completely, I still had a few more episodes. Darn.

I gave in and made an appointment to see my doctor (a different one - I had stopped seeing the other kooky doctor long ago). About five days before my appointment, the pain pretty much went away again and didn't return. Even so, I decided to keep the appointment.

I discussed all of this with the doctor and he had me lay down with my knees up and started pressing on my abdomen. He found the spot, but it really didn't seem to hurt all that much. Then he told me to put my legs straight up in the air as he was pressing down on my side. What? I tried to barely lift one foot and pain shot throughout my abdomen. My face turned red with effort, I gave up and I told him I couldn't do it. The doctor gave me a triumphant grin (sometimes I really can't stand that guy) and told me that it was my abdominal wall.

He said I had probably strained it or torn my abdominal wall when I was lifting the luggage, but not enough to cause a hernia (hence why they didn't see anything with the ultrasound). He said that the pain now could be from scar tissue from not healing well, or I re-injured the area. Either way, he said, there's not much that can be done except to rest it, ice and heat it, and take anti-inflammatory drugs like Ibuprofen when I feel the pain. He said that, just as some people have "trick knees," I'd done some permanent damage and would probably have to deal with this the rest of my life. The only other thing they might be able to do if I don't get the pain under control is give me a cortisone shot in the area. He said we'd wait a month to see how things go before attempting that.

I left the office feeling surprisingly elated. This is an answer that makes sense! And I don't have to have any more tests! Sweet! I was a little bit in pain after the unplanned calisthenics on the doctor's table, but it didn't seem like anything I couldn't handle. Later in the afternoon, bam - the pain hits me full force again. There went my joy.

Today, even after taking the recommended double-dose of Ibuprofen, the pain still hasn't completely gone away and I'm playing the blame game. I'm always injuring myself because I tend to act like I'm invincible. I think I forget sometimes that I'm 5 feet tall, 100 pounds (OK give [not take] 5 pounds or so) and not Wonder Woman.

About 8 or 9 years ago, I moved an office desk all by myself because I wanted it in a different area. The very next day, I had a sharp pain all the way down my left leg that made it nearly impossible for me to walk. An advice nurse told me over the phone that I probably had a slipped disc in my back and it was pinching on my nerve. Oops. It took a really long time to heal from that episode.

You'd think I'd have learned from that, right? No, not really. A few years ago I tried moving a whole bunch of heavy boxes in the storage area at work and ended up hurting my wrist. That is an injury that still acts up once in awhile.

Then last year I injured my back again when my 11 year-old 80-pound neighbor surprised me and jumped on my back. Instead of making her get down right away, I stupidly tried to carry her and ended up straining my lower back. Again, I had to rest it to heal. Not really easy seeing as how I still had to carry Parker around everywhere. I tried to be good, but I couldn't stop carrying him completely. I mean, he wasn't even two at the time.

And now, Ms. Big Shot thought that she could start a workout regimen without consulting her doctor first. Today was supposed to be my last day of my training program before trying the 100 push-ups and 200 squats in a row (I was a few weeks behind on the crunches so not quite there yet). I'm bummed that it appears I can't finish my goal. I was so close!

I'm beginning to realize that I have limitations and I often over-do it because... well, I think I just don't want to admit to myself that I can't do anything and everything. No wonder the Bible touches on pride. Well, God, today my pride has been knocked down a couple of notches. That's probably a good thing. Maybe I needed this as a reminder that I still have a lot of things left to learn. I haven't been using "common sense and sound judgment." Proverbs 3:21.

Today Parker was unusually loud and hyper everywhere we went, loving all the attention he was getting from people. He was uncommonly adventurous and wanted to climb a rock wall at the playground all by himself. Actually, he wanted to climb everything at the park and to try jumping off of things. I felt terrible because he finally was being brave enough to attempt these things and here I was asking him not to go up certain things because of the pain I was in. I knew that I wouldn't be able to guide him or be able to keep him from getting hurt. It was a reminder to me that if I want to be able to keep up with this kid in the future, I had better take care of myself now and let people help me more often instead of stubbornly trying to do things by myself.

I do feel better now (emotionally anyway), especially after spending some time reading the Bible and finding the verses below. Thank you, God, for everything you've done and please forgive me for feeling sorry for myself! I know everything happens for a reason and this, too, shall pass.
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"Too much pride can put you to shame. It's wiser to be humble." Proverbs 11:2

"I have made everything; that's how it all came to be. I, the Lord, have spoken. The people I treasure most are the humble - they depend only on me and tremble when I speak." Isaiah 66:2

"We don't have the right to claim that we have done anything on our own. God gives us what it takes to do all that we do." 2 Corinthians 3:5

Thankful Thursday

Ah, I can feel it. Today is going to be a MUCH better day! I've been trying to exercise in the morning before the heat hits and it's always a rush to get everything in so I can finally eat and get on with the day and the rest of the chores. Today I decided to let my body rest. I ate breakfast at a reasonable hour, drank my tea, Bible study and prayer, and put on my calming girly music. Some Joni, some Mazzy, some Norah, some Fiona... yes! It's going to be a much better day, and for that, I'm thankful. I think that perhaps exercising in the morning just doesn't suit me. It messes up my whole aura for the day. I need to start with calm and food and time with Jesus and ease into everything at a slower pace. My soul needs its nourishment first, I guess!

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"I offer you my heart, Lord God, and I trust you." Psalm 25:1

"Show my your paths and teach me to follow; guide me by your truth and instruct me. You keep me safe, and I always trust you." Psalm 25:4-5

Our Adventurous Day

Today started out as any normal Wednesday. Parker woke up when the garbage truck arrived, and Dada graciously got out of bed and brought him to the window to watch. A while later, I finally dragged myself out of bed and we went to work with our normal morning routine.

Parker played while I got started on laundry, we went outside to watch Dada leave for work, went back in to eat breakfast, Parker read while I did Bible study and drank my tea, and then we got ready to go to the park.

Upon starting my car and smelling the stale noxious air, I remembered that I still needed to buy a new air conditioning filter. I had no idea where a Kragen or other auto store was, but something told me to take the freeway to get to the "dinosaur" park today instead of side streets. At the exit, lo and behold, there was a Kragen right there. They didn't have my air filter in stock, but directed me to another Kragen up the road that had one. Yes! An unplanned chore done! Well, partly done anyway. Still need to install it.

Then, we finally headed to the our original destination. We had lots of fun exploring the park and playing in the turtle fountains. Parker shared his crackers with some little blackbirds. Actually, there were small blackbirds, and then slightly fatter brownish blackbirds. I immediately thought the bigger browner ones were females and the males were the smaller black ones. Why did I think that? Well, the bigger ones would stand right next to a piece of cracker and make a loud racket until a smaller blackbird would come pick it up and put it in the bigger bird's mouth. At least two pairs of these birds did this. I thought it was a little sweet, but pretty comical, too. Those bossy, demanding females, making the males their slaves! After doing some research online, I confirmed my suspicions. They are Brewer's Blackbirds. The females are the larger, browner, bossy ones.

Speaking of females, this morning I read Ecclesiastes and I'm fairly convinced whomever the author is (many believe it is Solomon, some think it was one of his brothers, but ultimately we don't really know), that he must have been scarred by some women. I laughed out loud at this passage, "... I do know there is one good man in a thousand, but never have I found a good woman." (Ecclesiastes 7:28) We women are blamed for the original sin. We've been bossy from the very beginning. Eve told Adam to eat, and he did. These female birds tell the males to feed them, and they do. I find it more than a little hilarious. I think God does, too. He was the one who created us, after all. "Think of what God has done! If God makes something crooked, can you make it straight?" - Ecclesiastes 7:13

Even children recognize who's really in charge. This past Sunday, after Parker woke up from his nap and I took some chicken out of the freezer to defrost, I suggested we all go to the park for a little bit. I asked Jake what he thought and he said, "Parker's the boss." Parker turned right around and said, "I'm not the boss. Mama's the boss!" He's no fool.

OK, so I went off on a tangent there.

Back to the present day. We got home from the park and I noticed that the two plants on our front entry could use a little watering. Parker loves to help us water the plants so off we went to fill a water jug. Parker helped me water one of the plants and then we went on to the next one. I foolishly let him stay on my left, closest to the stairs. After we were done, he stood back up and lost his footing. I was horrified to see him start to tumble down the stairs. His butt went down first, then he flipped over head first down another step. I shouted, "Oh my God, oh my God, help!" And He did. Parker just stopped tumbling. It was a miracle. He had only fallen down two of the fifteen stairs. I scooped him up and held onto him tightly, probably more scared than he was. I thanked Jesus and after we were back inside and I was able to calm down a little, we said a little prayer together thanking the Lord for keeping Parker from falling any further down the stairs. So far, I haven't found even a single scratch on him, and hopefully there's nothing hurt internally.

Now Parker is napping and I'm thinking that although he really wanted to help me install the air filter in my car later, that maybe we've had enough adventures for one day, thank you very much. I think I'm gonna pull rank and make Dada do it.
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For some laughs, here are some more UNinspiring (and yes, way out-of-context) quotes from Ecclesiastes:

"Nothing makes sense!" - Ecclesiastes 1:2

"All of life is far more boring than words could ever say." Ecclesiastes 1:8

"The more you know, the more you hurt; the more you understand, the more you suffer." Ecclesiastes 1:18

"Wise or foolish, we all die and are soon forgotten." - Ecclesiastes 2:16

"Don't be surprised if the poor of your country are abused, and injustice takes the place of justice." - Ecclesiastes 5:8

"... There is no end to books, and too much study will wear you out." - Ecclesiastes 12:12

I truly believe that books of the Bible should be read as a whole to fully grasp the context. It's easy to misconstrue single verses and manipulate them to read how you want. I just showed you how I did it! Maybe it'll hearten you to read Ecclesiastes, though. ;) Happy Wednesday!

Parker and I tried a new church today that a friend (and fellow blogger) told me about. It's called The Shoreline and it is held at a local school in San Clemente.

'the shoreline' theme verse:
Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men." So they pulled their boats up on the shoreline, left everything and followed him. (Luke 5:10-11)

This church is casual and fun. I was mostly thrilled to discover that they are going through whole books of the Bible, instead of topical preaching. Not that there's anything wrong with topical preaching, but at the moment I am trying to read through the Bible and one of their goals as a church is to read the whole Bible in a year. Our goals match up! There are also lots of opportunities for service and volunteering and getting to know other people. Parker also did really well in the toddler room, even though the service was over an hour and a half long. He seemed to enjoy it as much as I did! I'm excited to go back next week.

Today we read through 1 Samuel 21... and we got homework for the week! Pretty cool. Psalms 34, 52, 54, 56, 57, 59 and 142 were supposedly written during the time frame of 1 Samuel 21. So we are encouraged to read one Psalm each day this next week. It will be neat to line up what David was going through when he was writing different Psalms. Reading through this chapter in 1 Samuel was exciting for me because I recently read through Matthew and the story of the disciples eating grain on the Sabbath was still fresh in my head. That is where Jesus references David eating the holy bread on the Sabbath. I didn't know where in the Bible Jesus was referencing... turns out it's 1 Samuel 21. Hey, whaddya know?

After my last post regarding my spiritual quest, I had several people contact me with advice and encouragement. One thing my Aunt Barbi said to me really hit home. She reminded me that sometimes God uses tools to bring us back to Him, but that the tool isn't necessarily the answer; in other words, God knew I needed a jump start (and kick in the bum) and he may have used Liz and Arlene to bring me back to Him, but that doesn't mean that their religion is His path for me. God works in mysterious ways, right?

Speaking of which, my hubby did some research on the Jehovah's Witnesses and shared some interesting information with me. Some of it doesn't ring true with what Liz and Arlene have already shared with me, and I am very curious to see what they have to say on these different matters, but so far if even half of these things are true, I could never join the Jehovah's Witnesses.

This list lines up closely with what I've already learned about the JW group.
http://www.religioustolerance.org/witness3.htm

This one lists some strange stuff, but not sure how accurate it is.
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/2919/reasons.html

Therapist (and former JW) describes mind control (cult-like tendencies) of JW group.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vISWAgy_emg&feature=related

I know my blogs lately have been kind of serious, but don't worry, I plan to post some more fun P-man stuff soon!

My Spiritual Quest

I am taking advantage of the little guy being with his Gma and Gpa Munns today and have spent most of the morning reading the Bible and journaling. I had this strong urge to share some things that have been weighing on me lately.

First of all, I have continued my weekly Bible study with Liz and Arlene, two members of the Jehovah's Witness group. I have done so because 1) it is so much easier to understand the Bible and keep reading it when you have people guiding you and encouraging you, 2) these women are warm and friendly and 3) I feel like God led them to me for a reason.

Which leads me to the next issue. My family and friends (this means you) think I'm nuts. That I'm going to get swept up in their way of life. And now I'm beginning to wonder, what's really wrong with that if I do? I understand that they are ridiculed because they go door to door preaching about God (Jehovah) and Jesus and that makes people UNCOMFORTABLE. We want to live our lives the way we choose. What's easy for us. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, yadda yadda yadda.

Here's what I know. I was unhappy and lost for a long time. During this time, I often thought about the happiest point in my life and honestly it was during my first years in college when I was active with the Otter Christian Fellowship and studying the Bible. I kept wondering why I was so happy then and not now. I have everything I always wanted. A loving, devoted husband and a beautiful son to share my life with. But something didn't feel right. Something was missing. It was my faith in God. And when these women persisted at knocking on my door, I truly believe something outside of myself let them come inside. And when they started getting me to read the Bible again, it was as though I stumbled across an old friend that I hadn't seen in years and we picked up right where we left off. But now that we realize how much we missed each other and what a great thing our friendship is, we have more reason to keep it strong and not lose each other again.

So I wonder, must not there be more people out there like me? Who might welcome someone, even a stranger, to warmly and humbly guide them to having a personal relationship with God? Isn't that what Jesus preached that we should do? Today I was reading a lot in Acts and so much of what the disciples and Jesus follower's experienced reminds me of the Jehovah's Witnesses. No matter where the disciples went, there were always people who turned to Jesus because of their teachings, and there were always religious leaders that ridiculed Jesus and the disciples. Hmm... interesting. Why is it that the Jehovah's Witnesses are ridiculed, especially by other Christian churches? Well, I'm trying really hard to find out. So far, I have not stumbled across anything that has stood out as unbiblical in their beliefs. Until I do, I see no harm in continuing to read the Bible with them and gaining a stronger relationship with God. In fact, I am strongly considering attending one of their weekly gatherings where I think it would be more clear to me or not whether something doesn't feel spiritually sound.

Depending on what more I find, I just might have to "eat my words" on a previous post. I know my husband is probably upset reading this now and may even be embarrassed by it. But know I still love you hunny and I hope you can accept that I'm trying to change myself not just for me, but so that I can be a better and happier wife and mommy. I'm not saying yet that I will join their group, but I am saying that I have not completely shut that door. All I am asking for is an open heart, love, and compassion while I take this spiritual journey and try to find the right path, God's path, for my life.

Thankful Thursday: Quiet Reading

I apologize for no Thankful Thursday post last week. I had done all my other blogs in advance and just didn't have the motivation to write one that day. I will try to make up for it by doubling my thankful list this week...

I'm thankful for a foggy night walk.
I'm thankful for cold mornings and warm afternoons.
I'm thankful for the beautiful view from my window right now.
I'm thankful for my Bible.
I'm thankful for pancakes on weekends!
I'm thankful for Children's Motrin (P's cutting his miserable molars).
I'm thankful for my hubby's 3-day weekend!
I'm thankful for my fuzzy socks.
I'm thankful that our TV fixed itself.
I'm thankful for my hubby's handiness. Now we don't need to get a new toaster oven!
I'm thankful P took some good naps this week (even if it was only because of less sleep at night).
I'm thankful for shin splints. It means I have a good excuse to splurge on new sneakers. :)
I'm thankful P-man wasn't heartbroken over losing one of his new shoes.
And I'm especially thankful for the moment when I went to find P-man one day when I got suspicious of his activities because it was so quiet. I walked in on him in his room doing this:

Clarification

Following some concerns of family members, I just thought it might be a wise thing for me to clarify some things after my last Thankful Thursday blog. I have not, nor ever intend to join the Jehovah's Witness group. My sole intent in that blog was to give them credit for getting me to read the Bible again and getting me to start finding some spiritual balance in my life and to let people know that even if the large overall group of JW's has some coo-coo beliefs, that doesn't mean every person in that group is a complete nut job. The women I've spent time with seem down to earth, very warm and friendly, and overall I would classify them as good people. Perhaps it was the way I was raised; my father left a church if he found one thing odd that he couldn't agree with and (correct me if I'm wrong here, Dad) went on to get his masters in Theology. Eventually he started doing Bible study from our own home every Sunday because of some of the issues he had with organized religion and belief systems of the Christian church. I think because of this I tend to also be wary of organized religion, but I also think it would be wrong to not accept someone into your home just because of their system of beliefs.

On the other hand, I am well aware of my faults and know that if I'm walking along a path and come across a huge puddle in my way, I tend to jump right in two feet first without thoroughly analyzing all the consequences. Being aware of that, I can completely understand why people who know me well might be afraid of what I might get myself into. Fortunately, my husband is the exact opposite of me in that respect. If he came across the same puddle, he would have to investigate every inch of it, put on the right gear so that he wouldn't get completely soaked, know where the deepest part of the puddle was and the exact depth, and if all of that still didn't satisfy his safety requirements, he would find an alternate route to get around the puddle. We balance each other out well. For example, if Jake were not the way he is and I had been the only person making the decision, we probably would have bought a condo at the peak of the market and not only would have bought one that didn't fulfill all our needs, but I would have been forced to work to keep us financially alive (and even that might not have stopped us from going into foreclosure). On the flip side, if I were not the way I am and Jake was the sole person making decisions, we'd probably still be engaged and not married, we wouldn't have a child (at least not at this time), and we'd never complain about any meal at a restaurant where the order was wrong or the quality of the food was terrible.

So relax, sit back, wipe your forehead and feel comfortable knowing I'm not going to be coming round your door in the near future with a Bible in one hand and a Watchtower pamphlet in the other. Happy weekend everyone! It looks like it's going to be a beautiful one in this neck of the woods... no puddles to speak of for me to jump into!

Thankful Thursday: Changes

This past week has been all about change for me. I'm so grateful for the responses, advice, and words of encouragement I received from family and friends after last Thursday's post. I felt a change come over me as soon as I wrote it and hit that "publish" button, but it wasn't until reading all your emails and posts that I truly let go and let all the emotions and stress come out in a really good cry.

I have been pulling patience from every corner of my body this week while taking care of Parker. I have surprised even myself that I've done as well as I have because he has been needier and crankier than ever! He went four days in a row without a good nap. Jake's parents took him on Friday night for us, but the timing was difficult and I tried to give him an early nap but it didn't work. We ended up leaving for their place around his usual nap time and he had a little cat nap on the way to their place, but that was it. Saturday he wouldn't nap for Jake's folks, but he at least got some quiet time in his crib. Sunday we visited my friend Christine in San Bernardino, and Monday I had a doctor's appointment during his usual nap time (again, an early quite /nap time didn't go over so well). While he did surprisingly well during those days, going to bed early wasn't cutting it and he was starting to wake up earlier and earlier every day. By Tuesday, I was dealing with a very tired boy. His eyes even had dark circles under them. We didn't go anywhere that day (except on a little walk around our neighborhood) and he took a much needed solid two hour nap. Yesterday he went down for his nap late because we got caught in the rain and it made everything take longer, but at least he eventually slept, even though it was very apparent when he woke that he needed more sleep and I think he would have slept more if I let him. I didn't though because it was already 4:15 PM.

I mention all of this because considering it, if all of this had happened a few weeks ago, I would have been stressed to the max about Parker not getting enough sleep. But this week, while I have worried about it a little (I'm not going to lie) I didn't really feel anxious or stressed about it like I normally would. I just put it in my head that sometimes we'll have busy weeks like this and there's not much we can do about it and as long as I didn't try to put him through it every day, we would eventually get past this hump. At least I do know for sure now that he is not ready to give up his nap /quiet time as I feared. He definitely still needs quiet time every day and a nap on at least some of those days.

Going back to Monday's doctor appointment, I'm also very grateful to have been referred to this new endocrinologist. At first I thought it was silly of my doctor to refer me since my Graves disease has been treated in the past already and all that really has to be done now is monitor my thyroid levels and change medication levels as necessary. But now I realize it was a blessing. The endocrinologist seemed to know more about how thyroid dysfunction could be affecting other things in my body and that the symptoms I've been having were probably not solely a result of my medication levels being off. He had me do some more blood work a few weeks ago and I got the results on Monday. It turns out I have a mild case of iron deficiency anemia, which I discovered through WebMD can be brought on by hypothyroidism. It can cause fatigue, insomnia, and racing heart (all of which I've had but thought it was solely thyroid related). I also have a vitamin D deficiency, which does not 'cause any real immediate side effects, but can lead not only to your body not absorbing calcium, but potentially lead to heart problems and auto immune disorders (mostly diabetes). I think he mostly just checked that because studies lately have shown that over half of Americans are deficient in Vitamin D, and younger women are especially at risk since we tend to wear sunscreen more than men. In any case, both of those things are fairly easy to fix and even just after a few days of taking iron supplements I've noticed I've been feeling better and have had less heart symptoms and have been sleeping better (when I do sleep, that is). I also had the energy to exercise a couple of times this week (although my back protested a little).

The other major thing I'm grateful for this week is an ever increasing closeness to God. I have gone through quite a few years without the same faith I used to have. In the beginning of college, I was very spiritual. I hung out with other Christians and studied the Bible a lot. Then I met people (good people) who were not Christians who started planting seeds of doubt in me. I mean, it is hard for me to believe that so many good people who do not believe in God will not go to Heaven. I still can't really accept that idea. Then there are the judgments and wars and overall terrible things that people have done in the name of God that just turned me off. The final thing that turned me away from Church and organized religion was the hypocrisy of the church members. The last time I went to a church service, a couple of women behind me spent the entire service talking, just about every day things, like it was no big deal. I was so upset I never went back. I never really stopped believing in God, but not reading my Bible, praying and spending time with other Christians has led to some serious lack of spirituality and balance.

I realize now how unhappy I've been without that spirituality. What has changed? Most of you will probably be very surprised. It's kind of a long story, but one day I let in a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses who had been coming to my door frequently with pamphlets and showing me passages from the Bible. I treated them at first as many people do. I avoided them like the plague. But when they did catch me, they were very nice and pretty soon these women wore down my shield and I asked them to come in. What I've discovered since then has really surprised me. I had always thought that Jehovah's Witnesses were like a weird cult with strange beliefs that didn't follow Christianity. What I've discovered is that they are not like that at all. In fact, I had many difficult questions for them and they had an answer for all of them, directly from the Bible. They seem to have a huge knowledge of the Bible. They study it and try to pass the message along. Here are some things that are different from other Christian groups: 1) They do not believe in praying to a cross or using a cross as a symbol. It is actually a pagan symbol (anyone who's read The Da Vinci Code knows this) and it is almost like worshiping an idol. 2) They call God Jehovah because it is the most ancient Biblical name that was given to God. 3) They believe Jesus is God's son and appointed king, but they don't believe Jesus is God or at the same level as God and showed me Bible passages where Jesus has stated this himself. After learning all of this about them, my original judgment has been altered. So now, every Tuesday, a couple of women drop by and we study the Bible. These women are normal, caring, loving people. I was surprised by their warmth and friendliness and I feel like I've finally come across some "real" people. It is especially surprising knowing all the rejection they face all the time.

I have been hesitant to admit all of this to many people because I know the stigma that's attached to Jehovah's Witnesses (and even my dear hubby gives me a really hard time about it), but I thought since I'm getting free Bible study from them and encouragement to read my Bible again, it would only be fair to give them credit and let people know that they aren't the freaks people make them out to be (I guess anyone who doesn't believe in God would still consider them freaks, but anyone who does should know that they're not bad cult-like people!) This seemed like really good timing because I've been considering joining MOPS for awhile (which is a Bible study / talk group for "Mothers of Preschoolers"), but the cost to attend was surprisingly high. I have a renewed peace in my heart feeling like I have found a treasure again that I lost long ago.