Bottling Moments

I've had some precious moments this morning already that I wish I could bottle up and keep forever.  Since I can't physically put them in a bottle, I decided to put them on this blog so I could go back to cherish them years from now. 

I am twenty weeks into my pregnancy, and I have still been taking Zofran to help inhibit me from throwing up.  It has now been 2.5 days since I've taken the medication and I managed to keep everything down until just a short while ago.  That's the longest I've gone without medication and not threw up in over 14 weeks, so things are at least looking up.  The nausea is worse without the medication, but I'm trying to work through it with food and prayer. 

The one good thing about the nausea is it had me up before Parker nibbling crackers and drinking Sierra Mist.  While doing so, I figured it was a good opportunity to get in some Bible study.  Right now the mom's group I'm in is going through one of Beth Moore's 9-week studies.  It's really helping me get a clear picture of my faith and encouraging me to ask God for more.  I had a moment of reflection this morning where my mind was flashing through events throughout my life and realizing now how God was working in my life to bring me even to this day.  This was bottle moment number one.  It makes me excited to see what He has in store for me for the future.  I know there will be trials, but I feel good that God will see me through them if I continue to believe Him and exercise faith in what He can and will do. 

Bottle moment number two was when I went upstairs to get Parker out of bed:
Me: "Good morning, Love."
Parker: "I'm not Love.  I'm Parker." 
A little while later...
Me: "I love you, buddy.  Oh wait, you're not buddy, you're Parker.  Right?"
Parker (hugging me): "I'm your buddy, I'm your Parker, AND I'm your love."  Aww...

Bottle moment number three was Parker playing hair dresser on me.  He narrated the whole process beautifully to make sure I was comfortable (and following his directions).  He used his toy drill as a blow dryer.  He curled my hair with a screw driver.  Then he "flattened" it with a nut stuck on the tip of the screw driver, "Now keep your eyes closed.  I'll be very gentle."  I sat there quietly like a good client and thought, "How sweet my little boy is.  Who needs a girl when you have a boy like this, anyway?"  Then, as if he read my mind, he took his saw and cut open my head to see what was inside.  LOL!  Fortunately, he took his hammer and nails and nailed my head back together.  Then he went through the whole process of fixing my hair up again.  I think he did a good job of hiding the scars.  :)

Bottle moment number four is after breakfast when Parker wanted to snuggle with me on the couch.  He pretended I was a bed and my hand was his cup holder.  We were listening to Elton John.  When "Crocodile Rock" came on, I started moving to the beat a little.  When Parker said I couldn't dance because beds don't dance, I said, "But doesn't it make you want to dance?  It's so hard not to dance when music like this comes on."  Parker replied, "That's because this is rock 'n' roll!" 

Since my tummy is starting to gurgle, I think I'll leave bottle moment number five to pictures:

Proud of his tower building skills

 

Then joyfully knocking it down!

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"... but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:31

Wait, I'm Not Invincible?

I've been keeping really busy today, but somehow have found that there's still been plenty of time for reflection. I'm attempting to write everything out in the hopes that by the end of it I will stop feeling sorry for myself and be thankful to God for what I do have.

After a visit to the doctor yesterday, my invincibility cloak (bad Harry Potter pun/metaphor) has slipped off my shoulders. Finally, after almost four years, I have a plausible diagnosis of a chronic pain in my lower left abdomen. August 28th, 2005 - I lugged a much-too-heavy suitcase upstairs and shortly afterward was doubled up in pain on my bed. I waited as long as I could stand it before I went to see a doctor. I had a CT scan done and a pelvic ultrasound. No hernia or other obvious answer for the pain showed up. The doctor I was seeing happened to have endometriosis herself and decided that's what I had as well. She told me that she had never been able to have kids because she had waited too long. She went on to mention that if I wanted to have kids, I'd better start trying now before the disease progressed farther because "it could take you five years to get pregnant... if you're lucky!"

Jake and I discussed it. We weren't sure we were ready. We had been together over six years, but we had just gotten married in June, and Jake had just had brain surgery in July! Did we want to take the risk of bringing a kid into this world in the midst of all these big things? But we decided that yes, we did want kids, and if it might take years to get pregnant, we were willing to give it a shot.

The next month, I was pregnant. What happened to five years? A couple of days before Thanksgiving, I had a miscarriage. Thinking at first that the miscarriage could have been because of the supposed endometriosis, we waited six months and tried again. Within a month, I was pregnant again. So much for endometriosis. But then, the pain practically disappeared during my pregnancy. I had a few "episodes" as I called them, but nothing that lasted too long. Huh, I thought. Maybe it was endometriosis. But the pain didn't really return after Parker was born. If it did, it was little episodes like I had during my pregnancy that I didn't worry about.

Then, about a month ago, the pain came back full force. Sometimes it felt like it did that first night and the pain was so bad I almost wanted to cry. Other times it was more mellow, and then sometimes there would be almost a whole day without pain. But it always started up again.

I had recently started eating peanut butter again after laying off of it for awhile because it made me feel blah, and I thought maybe the pain was a strange reaction to peanut butter. I kept a food journal, and it seemed as though it were possible. I stopped eating peanut butter and within a few days the pain was gone. Then I ate it to test it out. The pain returned six hours later! I thought maybe, just maybe, I had found the answer. But after stopping the peanut butter completely, I still had a few more episodes. Darn.

I gave in and made an appointment to see my doctor (a different one - I had stopped seeing the other kooky doctor long ago). About five days before my appointment, the pain pretty much went away again and didn't return. Even so, I decided to keep the appointment.

I discussed all of this with the doctor and he had me lay down with my knees up and started pressing on my abdomen. He found the spot, but it really didn't seem to hurt all that much. Then he told me to put my legs straight up in the air as he was pressing down on my side. What? I tried to barely lift one foot and pain shot throughout my abdomen. My face turned red with effort, I gave up and I told him I couldn't do it. The doctor gave me a triumphant grin (sometimes I really can't stand that guy) and told me that it was my abdominal wall.

He said I had probably strained it or torn my abdominal wall when I was lifting the luggage, but not enough to cause a hernia (hence why they didn't see anything with the ultrasound). He said that the pain now could be from scar tissue from not healing well, or I re-injured the area. Either way, he said, there's not much that can be done except to rest it, ice and heat it, and take anti-inflammatory drugs like Ibuprofen when I feel the pain. He said that, just as some people have "trick knees," I'd done some permanent damage and would probably have to deal with this the rest of my life. The only other thing they might be able to do if I don't get the pain under control is give me a cortisone shot in the area. He said we'd wait a month to see how things go before attempting that.

I left the office feeling surprisingly elated. This is an answer that makes sense! And I don't have to have any more tests! Sweet! I was a little bit in pain after the unplanned calisthenics on the doctor's table, but it didn't seem like anything I couldn't handle. Later in the afternoon, bam - the pain hits me full force again. There went my joy.

Today, even after taking the recommended double-dose of Ibuprofen, the pain still hasn't completely gone away and I'm playing the blame game. I'm always injuring myself because I tend to act like I'm invincible. I think I forget sometimes that I'm 5 feet tall, 100 pounds (OK give [not take] 5 pounds or so) and not Wonder Woman.

About 8 or 9 years ago, I moved an office desk all by myself because I wanted it in a different area. The very next day, I had a sharp pain all the way down my left leg that made it nearly impossible for me to walk. An advice nurse told me over the phone that I probably had a slipped disc in my back and it was pinching on my nerve. Oops. It took a really long time to heal from that episode.

You'd think I'd have learned from that, right? No, not really. A few years ago I tried moving a whole bunch of heavy boxes in the storage area at work and ended up hurting my wrist. That is an injury that still acts up once in awhile.

Then last year I injured my back again when my 11 year-old 80-pound neighbor surprised me and jumped on my back. Instead of making her get down right away, I stupidly tried to carry her and ended up straining my lower back. Again, I had to rest it to heal. Not really easy seeing as how I still had to carry Parker around everywhere. I tried to be good, but I couldn't stop carrying him completely. I mean, he wasn't even two at the time.

And now, Ms. Big Shot thought that she could start a workout regimen without consulting her doctor first. Today was supposed to be my last day of my training program before trying the 100 push-ups and 200 squats in a row (I was a few weeks behind on the crunches so not quite there yet). I'm bummed that it appears I can't finish my goal. I was so close!

I'm beginning to realize that I have limitations and I often over-do it because... well, I think I just don't want to admit to myself that I can't do anything and everything. No wonder the Bible touches on pride. Well, God, today my pride has been knocked down a couple of notches. That's probably a good thing. Maybe I needed this as a reminder that I still have a lot of things left to learn. I haven't been using "common sense and sound judgment." Proverbs 3:21.

Today Parker was unusually loud and hyper everywhere we went, loving all the attention he was getting from people. He was uncommonly adventurous and wanted to climb a rock wall at the playground all by himself. Actually, he wanted to climb everything at the park and to try jumping off of things. I felt terrible because he finally was being brave enough to attempt these things and here I was asking him not to go up certain things because of the pain I was in. I knew that I wouldn't be able to guide him or be able to keep him from getting hurt. It was a reminder to me that if I want to be able to keep up with this kid in the future, I had better take care of myself now and let people help me more often instead of stubbornly trying to do things by myself.

I do feel better now (emotionally anyway), especially after spending some time reading the Bible and finding the verses below. Thank you, God, for everything you've done and please forgive me for feeling sorry for myself! I know everything happens for a reason and this, too, shall pass.
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"Too much pride can put you to shame. It's wiser to be humble." Proverbs 11:2

"I have made everything; that's how it all came to be. I, the Lord, have spoken. The people I treasure most are the humble - they depend only on me and tremble when I speak." Isaiah 66:2

"We don't have the right to claim that we have done anything on our own. God gives us what it takes to do all that we do." 2 Corinthians 3:5

Thankful Thursday

Ah, I can feel it. Today is going to be a MUCH better day! I've been trying to exercise in the morning before the heat hits and it's always a rush to get everything in so I can finally eat and get on with the day and the rest of the chores. Today I decided to let my body rest. I ate breakfast at a reasonable hour, drank my tea, Bible study and prayer, and put on my calming girly music. Some Joni, some Mazzy, some Norah, some Fiona... yes! It's going to be a much better day, and for that, I'm thankful. I think that perhaps exercising in the morning just doesn't suit me. It messes up my whole aura for the day. I need to start with calm and food and time with Jesus and ease into everything at a slower pace. My soul needs its nourishment first, I guess!

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"I offer you my heart, Lord God, and I trust you." Psalm 25:1

"Show my your paths and teach me to follow; guide me by your truth and instruct me. You keep me safe, and I always trust you." Psalm 25:4-5

Camera Woes

For anyone who didn't see this post, P's diaper bag was taken from the trunk of our car in May and our camera was inside it. Well, shortly after this incident, Jake's brother Andy offered us an extra camera he had. It is an older Canon, but I thought it took nicer pictures than my newer camera did. Unfortunately, my computer won't recognize his camera so I am unable to load pictures from the camera to the computer. After learning this, Jake's mom decided to get herself a new one and gave us her old one. It is basically the same as our old one, but a step above I think. I spent a lot of time trying to learn how to use it and took quite a few pictures in the process. I think I wore it out! The day I first made the Peanut Butter Banana Muffins, the camera decided to start taking pictures that look like this:


I think God was sending me a message to stop trying to capture every moment on film and instead actually live in the moment; to spend more time worshiping Him and loving and enjoying my family. So for the past month or so I've been taking that lesson to heart and remembering that life is not about capturing every moment and blogging about it!

There's one catch. The video camera function on the camera still works. Weird, huh? So, you'll probably be seeing more videos on the blog to make up for the lack of pictures. I guess God is allowing me to slowly wean off my blogging addiction this way. :)
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"Nothing is as wonderful as knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have given up everything else and count it all as garbage. All I want is Christ and to know that I belong to him." Philippians 3:8-9

Our Adventurous Day

Today started out as any normal Wednesday. Parker woke up when the garbage truck arrived, and Dada graciously got out of bed and brought him to the window to watch. A while later, I finally dragged myself out of bed and we went to work with our normal morning routine.

Parker played while I got started on laundry, we went outside to watch Dada leave for work, went back in to eat breakfast, Parker read while I did Bible study and drank my tea, and then we got ready to go to the park.

Upon starting my car and smelling the stale noxious air, I remembered that I still needed to buy a new air conditioning filter. I had no idea where a Kragen or other auto store was, but something told me to take the freeway to get to the "dinosaur" park today instead of side streets. At the exit, lo and behold, there was a Kragen right there. They didn't have my air filter in stock, but directed me to another Kragen up the road that had one. Yes! An unplanned chore done! Well, partly done anyway. Still need to install it.

Then, we finally headed to the our original destination. We had lots of fun exploring the park and playing in the turtle fountains. Parker shared his crackers with some little blackbirds. Actually, there were small blackbirds, and then slightly fatter brownish blackbirds. I immediately thought the bigger browner ones were females and the males were the smaller black ones. Why did I think that? Well, the bigger ones would stand right next to a piece of cracker and make a loud racket until a smaller blackbird would come pick it up and put it in the bigger bird's mouth. At least two pairs of these birds did this. I thought it was a little sweet, but pretty comical, too. Those bossy, demanding females, making the males their slaves! After doing some research online, I confirmed my suspicions. They are Brewer's Blackbirds. The females are the larger, browner, bossy ones.

Speaking of females, this morning I read Ecclesiastes and I'm fairly convinced whomever the author is (many believe it is Solomon, some think it was one of his brothers, but ultimately we don't really know), that he must have been scarred by some women. I laughed out loud at this passage, "... I do know there is one good man in a thousand, but never have I found a good woman." (Ecclesiastes 7:28) We women are blamed for the original sin. We've been bossy from the very beginning. Eve told Adam to eat, and he did. These female birds tell the males to feed them, and they do. I find it more than a little hilarious. I think God does, too. He was the one who created us, after all. "Think of what God has done! If God makes something crooked, can you make it straight?" - Ecclesiastes 7:13

Even children recognize who's really in charge. This past Sunday, after Parker woke up from his nap and I took some chicken out of the freezer to defrost, I suggested we all go to the park for a little bit. I asked Jake what he thought and he said, "Parker's the boss." Parker turned right around and said, "I'm not the boss. Mama's the boss!" He's no fool.

OK, so I went off on a tangent there.

Back to the present day. We got home from the park and I noticed that the two plants on our front entry could use a little watering. Parker loves to help us water the plants so off we went to fill a water jug. Parker helped me water one of the plants and then we went on to the next one. I foolishly let him stay on my left, closest to the stairs. After we were done, he stood back up and lost his footing. I was horrified to see him start to tumble down the stairs. His butt went down first, then he flipped over head first down another step. I shouted, "Oh my God, oh my God, help!" And He did. Parker just stopped tumbling. It was a miracle. He had only fallen down two of the fifteen stairs. I scooped him up and held onto him tightly, probably more scared than he was. I thanked Jesus and after we were back inside and I was able to calm down a little, we said a little prayer together thanking the Lord for keeping Parker from falling any further down the stairs. So far, I haven't found even a single scratch on him, and hopefully there's nothing hurt internally.

Now Parker is napping and I'm thinking that although he really wanted to help me install the air filter in my car later, that maybe we've had enough adventures for one day, thank you very much. I think I'm gonna pull rank and make Dada do it.
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For some laughs, here are some more UNinspiring (and yes, way out-of-context) quotes from Ecclesiastes:

"Nothing makes sense!" - Ecclesiastes 1:2

"All of life is far more boring than words could ever say." Ecclesiastes 1:8

"The more you know, the more you hurt; the more you understand, the more you suffer." Ecclesiastes 1:18

"Wise or foolish, we all die and are soon forgotten." - Ecclesiastes 2:16

"Don't be surprised if the poor of your country are abused, and injustice takes the place of justice." - Ecclesiastes 5:8

"... There is no end to books, and too much study will wear you out." - Ecclesiastes 12:12

I truly believe that books of the Bible should be read as a whole to fully grasp the context. It's easy to misconstrue single verses and manipulate them to read how you want. I just showed you how I did it! Maybe it'll hearten you to read Ecclesiastes, though. ;) Happy Wednesday!

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful we got to spend time with my family in lovely (cough)sulfur water(cough) Hanford, CA.

I'm thankful we got to witness Lily Bean's first steps!

I'm thankful we also got to witness the murder of her birthday cake... see it here!

I'm thankful my sisters worked things out. I'm the mediator 'cause I'm the middle sister. ;)

I'm thankful Parker did an awesome job with such a long drive - both ways!

I'm thankful God kept us safe on the road. Lots of crazy drivers out there (yes, I'm one of them).

And I'm very thankful for Tension Tamer tea. It actually works, thank goodness! This morning I was feeling it in my neck and back and I couldn't shake it off. It made for a very rough morning. I had to pray silently several times to help avoid huge blow-ups with Parker. I notice that Thursdays are often our most difficult days for some reason (so it's probably a good thing that Thursdays are my thankful reflection days, helps me get my head and heart back in the right place)... anyway, I saw this tea at the grocery store and thought it was worth a shot. Maybe it's psychosomatic, but I could feel the muscles in my neck relax after just a few minutes of drinking the tea. It worked better than taking an Ibuprofen! I couldn't even turn my neck to the left this morning without pain, and now, nearly four hours after drinking the tea, I can still move it freely. The tea tastes kinda funky, though. Next time it's getting blasted with honey!
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"I am the Lord your God. I am holding your hand, so don't be afraid. I am here to help you." Isaiah 41:13

Sorry, Lord, I Blew It Again

About a month ago, Parker and I were on our way out somewhere and before we left we walked to the community mailboxes in our complex to drop off some outgoing mail and pick up the mail from the day before. Along the way, I noticed a woman on a crutch, carrying some binders with her one free hand. Alongside her walked a little girl around Parker's age. I was carrying a few bags myself and trying to keep Parker from running away from me, but even now, I feel bad about not putting down my things and asking her if I could help. My burden could have been put down, but hers couldn't.

Nearly every day I think of her and how I failed to do the right thing.

This morning, I prayed specifically and asked God to give me the opportunity to help someone today and honor Him.

Later this morning, Parker and I were sitting and eating a snack outside our local library when a man in a wheelchair stopped nearby the library doors. I moved to get up and offer to help him with the very heavy (and non ADA compliant) doors, but hesitated. There was a rack of 10 cent books right where he stopped and it appeared as though he might be looking at them. I was afraid of looking like an idiot if he didn't even need help. I decided to wait and see if he would roll towards the doors and then I would get up and offer to help. He didn't move. About a minute later, a man walked up and started entering the doors and the man in the wheelchair asked if he would hold the door for him. He hadn't been looking at the books. He had been waiting patiently for someone to come by and help him. I had been less than 20 feet from him. I could have helped him. But I let fear of embarrassment take over. What's the worst that could have happened? He would have said, "no thanks?"

Lord, please forgive me. You answered my prayer, and I failed to fulfill it.
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"Then the ones who pleased the Lord will ask, 'When did we give you something to eat or drink? When did we welcome you as a stranger or give you clothes to wear or visit you while you were sick or in jail?' The king will answer, 'Whenever you did it for any of my people, no matter how unimportant they seemed, you did it for me.'" - Matthew 25:37-40

"My friends, what good is it to say you have faith, when you don't do anything to show that you really do have faith? Can that kind of faith save you? If you know someone who doesn't have any clothes or food, you shouldn't just say, 'I hope all goes well for you. I hope you will be warm and have plenty to eat.' What good is it to say this, unless you do something to help? Faith that doesn't lead us to do good deeds is all alone and dead!" - James 2:14-17

Thankful Thursday

I'm so thankful I can see prayers coming true.

I'm so thankful for God's forgiveness. He knows I need it!

I'm so thankful for "date night" each week. Love ya, hunny bunny!

I'm so thankful for wild birds. Their singing brings me joy every day (well, maybe not at 6:00 am, but still).

I'm so thankful for the little bits of beauty I still find in the world each day. Sarah, I know they're hard to find in people sometimes, but they're there, I promise!

I'm so thankful for God's reminder to me not to worry.

I'm so thankful for my beautiful niece turning 1 and Parker and I getting to see her and family soon!

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"I thank you from my heart, and I will never stop singing your praises, my Lord and my God." Psalms 30:12

Parker and I tried a new church today that a friend (and fellow blogger) told me about. It's called The Shoreline and it is held at a local school in San Clemente.

'the shoreline' theme verse:
Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men." So they pulled their boats up on the shoreline, left everything and followed him. (Luke 5:10-11)

This church is casual and fun. I was mostly thrilled to discover that they are going through whole books of the Bible, instead of topical preaching. Not that there's anything wrong with topical preaching, but at the moment I am trying to read through the Bible and one of their goals as a church is to read the whole Bible in a year. Our goals match up! There are also lots of opportunities for service and volunteering and getting to know other people. Parker also did really well in the toddler room, even though the service was over an hour and a half long. He seemed to enjoy it as much as I did! I'm excited to go back next week.

Today we read through 1 Samuel 21... and we got homework for the week! Pretty cool. Psalms 34, 52, 54, 56, 57, 59 and 142 were supposedly written during the time frame of 1 Samuel 21. So we are encouraged to read one Psalm each day this next week. It will be neat to line up what David was going through when he was writing different Psalms. Reading through this chapter in 1 Samuel was exciting for me because I recently read through Matthew and the story of the disciples eating grain on the Sabbath was still fresh in my head. That is where Jesus references David eating the holy bread on the Sabbath. I didn't know where in the Bible Jesus was referencing... turns out it's 1 Samuel 21. Hey, whaddya know?

After my last post regarding my spiritual quest, I had several people contact me with advice and encouragement. One thing my Aunt Barbi said to me really hit home. She reminded me that sometimes God uses tools to bring us back to Him, but that the tool isn't necessarily the answer; in other words, God knew I needed a jump start (and kick in the bum) and he may have used Liz and Arlene to bring me back to Him, but that doesn't mean that their religion is His path for me. God works in mysterious ways, right?

Speaking of which, my hubby did some research on the Jehovah's Witnesses and shared some interesting information with me. Some of it doesn't ring true with what Liz and Arlene have already shared with me, and I am very curious to see what they have to say on these different matters, but so far if even half of these things are true, I could never join the Jehovah's Witnesses.

This list lines up closely with what I've already learned about the JW group.
http://www.religioustolerance.org/witness3.htm

This one lists some strange stuff, but not sure how accurate it is.
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/2919/reasons.html

Therapist (and former JW) describes mind control (cult-like tendencies) of JW group.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vISWAgy_emg&feature=related

I know my blogs lately have been kind of serious, but don't worry, I plan to post some more fun P-man stuff soon!

My Spiritual Quest

I am taking advantage of the little guy being with his Gma and Gpa Munns today and have spent most of the morning reading the Bible and journaling. I had this strong urge to share some things that have been weighing on me lately.

First of all, I have continued my weekly Bible study with Liz and Arlene, two members of the Jehovah's Witness group. I have done so because 1) it is so much easier to understand the Bible and keep reading it when you have people guiding you and encouraging you, 2) these women are warm and friendly and 3) I feel like God led them to me for a reason.

Which leads me to the next issue. My family and friends (this means you) think I'm nuts. That I'm going to get swept up in their way of life. And now I'm beginning to wonder, what's really wrong with that if I do? I understand that they are ridiculed because they go door to door preaching about God (Jehovah) and Jesus and that makes people UNCOMFORTABLE. We want to live our lives the way we choose. What's easy for us. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, yadda yadda yadda.

Here's what I know. I was unhappy and lost for a long time. During this time, I often thought about the happiest point in my life and honestly it was during my first years in college when I was active with the Otter Christian Fellowship and studying the Bible. I kept wondering why I was so happy then and not now. I have everything I always wanted. A loving, devoted husband and a beautiful son to share my life with. But something didn't feel right. Something was missing. It was my faith in God. And when these women persisted at knocking on my door, I truly believe something outside of myself let them come inside. And when they started getting me to read the Bible again, it was as though I stumbled across an old friend that I hadn't seen in years and we picked up right where we left off. But now that we realize how much we missed each other and what a great thing our friendship is, we have more reason to keep it strong and not lose each other again.

So I wonder, must not there be more people out there like me? Who might welcome someone, even a stranger, to warmly and humbly guide them to having a personal relationship with God? Isn't that what Jesus preached that we should do? Today I was reading a lot in Acts and so much of what the disciples and Jesus follower's experienced reminds me of the Jehovah's Witnesses. No matter where the disciples went, there were always people who turned to Jesus because of their teachings, and there were always religious leaders that ridiculed Jesus and the disciples. Hmm... interesting. Why is it that the Jehovah's Witnesses are ridiculed, especially by other Christian churches? Well, I'm trying really hard to find out. So far, I have not stumbled across anything that has stood out as unbiblical in their beliefs. Until I do, I see no harm in continuing to read the Bible with them and gaining a stronger relationship with God. In fact, I am strongly considering attending one of their weekly gatherings where I think it would be more clear to me or not whether something doesn't feel spiritually sound.

Depending on what more I find, I just might have to "eat my words" on a previous post. I know my husband is probably upset reading this now and may even be embarrassed by it. But know I still love you hunny and I hope you can accept that I'm trying to change myself not just for me, but so that I can be a better and happier wife and mommy. I'm not saying yet that I will join their group, but I am saying that I have not completely shut that door. All I am asking for is an open heart, love, and compassion while I take this spiritual journey and try to find the right path, God's path, for my life.