I'm Alive... (just barely)!

Whew!  So much has happened in the last five months and blogging has taken a back step to (barely) living.  We bought and moved into our first home, the holidays came and went, I got pregnant, Parker turned 3 and stopped napping, and I've been spending the last 11 weeks trying to stay sane while puking, eating, sleeping, and trying not to blow up at Parker every second of the day. 

A lot of people told me that every pregnancy is different, but it was said with the intent of convincing me that I wouldn't be sick like I was with Parker.  OK, so this round has been better in the aspect that the anti-puke meds I take are now available in generic form and I can get more than 9 pills a month, so I'm actually gaining weight (a lot) instead of losing it.  At 17 weeks today, I'm still nauseated and still puking (albeit far less often) despite my daily med regimen.  Poop on the people who gave me hope, including my OB.  Yes, especially poop on her for telling me that I'd stop puking after 12 weeks.  I hope I have a vaginal birth this round so I can try to literally poop on her. 

In case you haven't already gathered as much, here's another difference with this pregnancy than with Parker: mood swings.  With Parker, I was unusually calm.  I could care less about all the worrisome stuff going on around me at work.  My whole focus was baby, baby, baby.  This time around, all I care about is food and sleep.  Everything else annoys me (including the baby inside of me) and the littlest stress will set me off. 

Here are some examples: 1) Yesterday Parker ate crackers in my bedroom and dropped crumbs everywhere.  This bothered me, of course, but it was him purposefully stomping on the crumbs that made me blow my top.  2) Since we don't have TiVo or anything, my husband and I have to compromise on what shows we watch.  My husband enjoys Glee.  I don't get it at all, but sometimes I enjoy the music at least.  Last week it was so cheesy and the music was so terrible I wanted to throw something and break the TV so the torture would end.  Fortunately, I was too lazy to do anything about it.  This week I just went to bed early and avoided that particular annoyance.  3) The town home next to us was empty for several months and it was complete bliss.  All of our neighbors have been quiet and friendly.  Until a few weeks ago.  We got new neighbors and they smoke and party late (but just on the weekends), and don't pick up their dog's poop.  This last Sunday I started cursing loudly (God, forgive me) when cigarette smoke started drifting into our windows.  I'm not usually prone to cursing, so this says something.  I stomped upstairs and poured over the association rules to see what rights I had to get them to stop.  The nice and reasonable side of me wants to make them cookies and ask them politely to stop messing up my feng shui.  The pregnant side of me wants to just report them to the association and never attempt to be friends with such people (could I sound any more snobbish?). 

I could go on, but I'm sure you get it by now.  I don't really like the new pregnant me, and I've been trying hard to pay attention to my emotions and stop and pray and ask God for strength when I feel the hormones start raging, but they often get the best of me (and bring out the worst in me). 

Oh, and one more thing.  If you were one of those people who tried to convince me this pregnancy would be better, POOP ON YOU!

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On a more serious note: "That is why we are not discouraged. Though outwardly we are wearing out, inwardly we are renewed every day. Our suffering is light and temporary and is producing for us an eternal glory that is greater than anything we can imagine." 
2 Corinthians 4:16

Monday, Monday. Can't Trust That Day.

I had no intention of blogging today. I was supposed to be grocery shopping a long time ago. But I can't even finish my meal planning/grocery list because Parker has been crying all morning. I can't believe I've managed to stay calm this whole time. I've had to say quite a few silent prayers for patience, and God, fortunately, answered them. I am now attempting some sanity and distraction by writing while he's throwing a tantrum in his room. I decided to put him in there instead of letting him pull on my pants and scream while I try to think about what we need for meals this week. I tried again to finish my list after putting him in his room, but it's futile. I can't concentrate when he's screaming like this. Ironically enough, food seems unimportant at the moment.

I bet you wonder why that's ironic and also why he's crying. It's because he's hungry, but refuses to feed himself. That's right. Over the past few months our "I do it all by myself" toddler has turned into a "I can't do it!" terror. He "can't" feed himself. He "can't" climb the stairs by himself. He "can't" put his toys away. I feel like a failure every time he uses those words. I want him to be proud of his accomplishments and want him to know we're proud of him when he does something all by himself. Lately, though, he has turned a regression corner away from which I have been unable to steer him. I wonder what I've done (or not done) to cause this. I've tried reminding him of the Little Engine That Could and the Bob the Builder slogan, "Can we do it? Yes we can!" He doesn't buy it.

While Lily was visiting, we had to help feed her with some items like yogurt and oatmeal, etc. When Parker saw that, you'd better believe he wanted us to feed him, too. To avoid a fight, I admit I probably made a huge mistake. I fed him. All the while I was doing it I was thinking about that terrible day a while back when I had to let him cry for an hour before he decided he would feed himself a muffin. Yup, see? I knew what I was getting into, but I did it anyway.

So, now, today, we're having the same struggle as that one day. He is so hungry and feels so yucky, but he refuses to feed himself his oatmeal. He wants it. He asked me for it. He asked me to feed it to him. I told him if he tried to do it by himself but couldn't that I would help him. He said no deal to that. He didn't even want to try. So I decided to just let him get down from the table and play until he was ready to feed himself. But that didn't work, either. I'm trying hard to stand my ground and not feed him. I feel so torn about it. I don't want to create a power struggle over food. Since he turned two we've had enough eating problems from him as it is. It's like his taste buds changed overnight. My self-feeding broccoli/spinach/chicken/fish eater just disappeared.

I just don't know if I should be spoon feeding him when I know he's perfectly capable of doing it himself. I question whether I'm doing the right thing, believe me. Am I being too hard on him? He's not even three years old, for goodness sake. But his self confidence lately has been so low. I can't figure it out!

After checking on him and having a talk with him, I was able to calm him down and he's finally playing at least. Do I dare bring him to the grocery store hungry? That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Maybe now I can at least finish my grocery list in peace and then we'll see how things go...

And by the way, I would appreciate any life experience advice in this matter! Even if you think I'm going about this all the wrong way, give it to me; I can handle criticism. Sometimes it's the only way I learn.
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From my quiet time reading today:
"... a sensible person learns by being instructed." - Proverbs 21:11

Wait, I'm Not Invincible?

I've been keeping really busy today, but somehow have found that there's still been plenty of time for reflection. I'm attempting to write everything out in the hopes that by the end of it I will stop feeling sorry for myself and be thankful to God for what I do have.

After a visit to the doctor yesterday, my invincibility cloak (bad Harry Potter pun/metaphor) has slipped off my shoulders. Finally, after almost four years, I have a plausible diagnosis of a chronic pain in my lower left abdomen. August 28th, 2005 - I lugged a much-too-heavy suitcase upstairs and shortly afterward was doubled up in pain on my bed. I waited as long as I could stand it before I went to see a doctor. I had a CT scan done and a pelvic ultrasound. No hernia or other obvious answer for the pain showed up. The doctor I was seeing happened to have endometriosis herself and decided that's what I had as well. She told me that she had never been able to have kids because she had waited too long. She went on to mention that if I wanted to have kids, I'd better start trying now before the disease progressed farther because "it could take you five years to get pregnant... if you're lucky!"

Jake and I discussed it. We weren't sure we were ready. We had been together over six years, but we had just gotten married in June, and Jake had just had brain surgery in July! Did we want to take the risk of bringing a kid into this world in the midst of all these big things? But we decided that yes, we did want kids, and if it might take years to get pregnant, we were willing to give it a shot.

The next month, I was pregnant. What happened to five years? A couple of days before Thanksgiving, I had a miscarriage. Thinking at first that the miscarriage could have been because of the supposed endometriosis, we waited six months and tried again. Within a month, I was pregnant again. So much for endometriosis. But then, the pain practically disappeared during my pregnancy. I had a few "episodes" as I called them, but nothing that lasted too long. Huh, I thought. Maybe it was endometriosis. But the pain didn't really return after Parker was born. If it did, it was little episodes like I had during my pregnancy that I didn't worry about.

Then, about a month ago, the pain came back full force. Sometimes it felt like it did that first night and the pain was so bad I almost wanted to cry. Other times it was more mellow, and then sometimes there would be almost a whole day without pain. But it always started up again.

I had recently started eating peanut butter again after laying off of it for awhile because it made me feel blah, and I thought maybe the pain was a strange reaction to peanut butter. I kept a food journal, and it seemed as though it were possible. I stopped eating peanut butter and within a few days the pain was gone. Then I ate it to test it out. The pain returned six hours later! I thought maybe, just maybe, I had found the answer. But after stopping the peanut butter completely, I still had a few more episodes. Darn.

I gave in and made an appointment to see my doctor (a different one - I had stopped seeing the other kooky doctor long ago). About five days before my appointment, the pain pretty much went away again and didn't return. Even so, I decided to keep the appointment.

I discussed all of this with the doctor and he had me lay down with my knees up and started pressing on my abdomen. He found the spot, but it really didn't seem to hurt all that much. Then he told me to put my legs straight up in the air as he was pressing down on my side. What? I tried to barely lift one foot and pain shot throughout my abdomen. My face turned red with effort, I gave up and I told him I couldn't do it. The doctor gave me a triumphant grin (sometimes I really can't stand that guy) and told me that it was my abdominal wall.

He said I had probably strained it or torn my abdominal wall when I was lifting the luggage, but not enough to cause a hernia (hence why they didn't see anything with the ultrasound). He said that the pain now could be from scar tissue from not healing well, or I re-injured the area. Either way, he said, there's not much that can be done except to rest it, ice and heat it, and take anti-inflammatory drugs like Ibuprofen when I feel the pain. He said that, just as some people have "trick knees," I'd done some permanent damage and would probably have to deal with this the rest of my life. The only other thing they might be able to do if I don't get the pain under control is give me a cortisone shot in the area. He said we'd wait a month to see how things go before attempting that.

I left the office feeling surprisingly elated. This is an answer that makes sense! And I don't have to have any more tests! Sweet! I was a little bit in pain after the unplanned calisthenics on the doctor's table, but it didn't seem like anything I couldn't handle. Later in the afternoon, bam - the pain hits me full force again. There went my joy.

Today, even after taking the recommended double-dose of Ibuprofen, the pain still hasn't completely gone away and I'm playing the blame game. I'm always injuring myself because I tend to act like I'm invincible. I think I forget sometimes that I'm 5 feet tall, 100 pounds (OK give [not take] 5 pounds or so) and not Wonder Woman.

About 8 or 9 years ago, I moved an office desk all by myself because I wanted it in a different area. The very next day, I had a sharp pain all the way down my left leg that made it nearly impossible for me to walk. An advice nurse told me over the phone that I probably had a slipped disc in my back and it was pinching on my nerve. Oops. It took a really long time to heal from that episode.

You'd think I'd have learned from that, right? No, not really. A few years ago I tried moving a whole bunch of heavy boxes in the storage area at work and ended up hurting my wrist. That is an injury that still acts up once in awhile.

Then last year I injured my back again when my 11 year-old 80-pound neighbor surprised me and jumped on my back. Instead of making her get down right away, I stupidly tried to carry her and ended up straining my lower back. Again, I had to rest it to heal. Not really easy seeing as how I still had to carry Parker around everywhere. I tried to be good, but I couldn't stop carrying him completely. I mean, he wasn't even two at the time.

And now, Ms. Big Shot thought that she could start a workout regimen without consulting her doctor first. Today was supposed to be my last day of my training program before trying the 100 push-ups and 200 squats in a row (I was a few weeks behind on the crunches so not quite there yet). I'm bummed that it appears I can't finish my goal. I was so close!

I'm beginning to realize that I have limitations and I often over-do it because... well, I think I just don't want to admit to myself that I can't do anything and everything. No wonder the Bible touches on pride. Well, God, today my pride has been knocked down a couple of notches. That's probably a good thing. Maybe I needed this as a reminder that I still have a lot of things left to learn. I haven't been using "common sense and sound judgment." Proverbs 3:21.

Today Parker was unusually loud and hyper everywhere we went, loving all the attention he was getting from people. He was uncommonly adventurous and wanted to climb a rock wall at the playground all by himself. Actually, he wanted to climb everything at the park and to try jumping off of things. I felt terrible because he finally was being brave enough to attempt these things and here I was asking him not to go up certain things because of the pain I was in. I knew that I wouldn't be able to guide him or be able to keep him from getting hurt. It was a reminder to me that if I want to be able to keep up with this kid in the future, I had better take care of myself now and let people help me more often instead of stubbornly trying to do things by myself.

I do feel better now (emotionally anyway), especially after spending some time reading the Bible and finding the verses below. Thank you, God, for everything you've done and please forgive me for feeling sorry for myself! I know everything happens for a reason and this, too, shall pass.
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"Too much pride can put you to shame. It's wiser to be humble." Proverbs 11:2

"I have made everything; that's how it all came to be. I, the Lord, have spoken. The people I treasure most are the humble - they depend only on me and tremble when I speak." Isaiah 66:2

"We don't have the right to claim that we have done anything on our own. God gives us what it takes to do all that we do." 2 Corinthians 3:5

Thankful Thursday: Part Two

I wanted to expand on my Thankful Thursday today since I'm feeling pretty down right now. Parker's diaper bag was stolen from the trunk of our car today. I'm guessing that the trunk button on my keys got pushed down while in my very full purse and it popped open while we were shopping. I wanted to write some thoughts out to help me forgive the person who took it, as well as try to turn it around in a positive light.

I'm thankful that even as our bag was being taken, I was at Children's Orchard (like a Goodwill for kids' stuff) buying a bigger diaper bag since our old one was being stretched to the limits. Ironic, no? I was going to use the old one as my new purse since my purse is also being stretched to the limits (obviously), but I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm thankful that Parker accidentally left his favorite toy truck in his Grandpa's car yesterday - otherwise it probably would have been in his bag and I wouldn't hear the end of it. As it is, he threw a fit about it being missing this morning and fortunately Grandma sent him these nice pictures showing how much fun Hummer was having at their place. They made him smile:

I'm thankful that we were in a rush to get out the door for P's dental appointment this morning or else we might have put more of Parker's favorite cars in the bag. He keeps track of them all so he'd know if they were missing.

I'm bummed that P's guitar bottom jammies from his auntie were in the bag, but thankful that we had the top safe at home at least.

I'm thankful that even though the new toilet seat thingamajigger we bought was in there, that it didn't work well anyway and now I have an excuse to buy a different one that hopefully works better.

I'm thankful that even though there were $80 worth of Target groceries in the trunk, they didn't touch any of those or anything else of value (like his strollers).

I'm bummed our camera was inside the bag, but thankful that I recently transferred a big bunch of pics over to my computer and there were only a few new pics on there that we'll never see again.

And I'm especially thankful that Parker is being very sweet and understanding about the whole thing. He had a little piano toy in there that he got with Gma and Gpa at Wendy's yesterday. Shortly after we got home he started looking for the bag and asking for the piano. I started crying a little as I was explaining to him what happened. He didn't cry or get upset but got a concerned look on his face and said a few times, "Somebody took the piano away. That's not nice!" And he keeps coming up to me to give me hugs and telling me he loves me because he's concerned that "mama's crying." What a sweetie!

OK, I'm feeling much better now and not quite as violated. The very human part of me hopes that person feels a little guilty when he or she sees Parker's cute face on that camera. But I'm also hopeful that the person who took the bag was in real need and finds use for the items inside (or at least gives them to someone who will).

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"Peter came up to the Lord and asked, 'How many times should I forgive someone who does something wrong to me? Is seven times enough?' Jesus answered: 'Not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!'" Matthew 18:22

"Whenever you stand up to pray, you must forgive what others have done to you. Then your Father in heaven will forgive your sins." Mark 11:25-26

"There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land." Deuteronomy 15:11.

Message From Dada

It's been a rough Saturday. P woke up early soaked from head to toe in pee. I cleaned him and his bed up and tried to get him to go back to sleep, but my poor sick boy's cough was keeping him awake. Then, while eating breakfast, P had a huge coughing fit that caused him to throw up. My poor boy. :(

Dada not only had to go in to work today, but he had to go in early. Parker was delighted to find that Dada had left him a special note. Here's a video of Parker reading it:

Thank you, Dada! You helped brighten our day. We love you. :O*

(FB users click on View Original Post to see video)

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"Jesus said to his disciples: I tell you not to worry about your life! Don't worry about having something to eat or wear. Life is more than food or clothing. Look at the crows! They don't plant or harvest, and they don't have storehouses or barns. But God takes care of them. You are much more important than any birds." Luke 12:22-24

Thankful Thursday

This has been a tough day. Well, actually a tough week.

One of P's two-year molars finally started cutting through his gums. I think he actually feels better now, though.

He's had a yucky cold which has meant less sleep (for all of us) and lots of...

Boogers boogers everywhere,
Boogers boogers in our hair!

I'm trying hard to ward the cold off, but my throat has been sore and scratchy the last couple of days.

Dada's had to work late every night this week, and he's working Saturday. Poor guy.

I've mentioned this on Facebook, but I've been so puffy and bloated feeling from PMS that I've actually woken up in the middle of the night thinking about it, and mentally making up poems about it. Per my little sister's request, here are a couple of the silly poems I do remember from that night I woke up. They're haiku's for you.

Puffy hands and feet.
My face is full of pimples.
Stop torturing me!

Pickles and ho-ho's,

My appetite's a bit strange.
Say, here comes Aunt flo!

Today I started my period (at least there's some relief from the PMS) after just finishing two weeks ago (my last period lasted two weeks).

I burned my right hand and wrist with a cup of tea this morning.

But, with God's help we're getting by (literally... I've been praying a lot and reading the Bible a lot for strength, patience, and encouragement). It has really helped. I can say that I've definitely had more patience this week than most. And there have, thankfully, been some great things that have happened this week, too! Here are some things I'm thankful for this week:

I'm thankful that the tough things this week have all been little things. There are WAY worse things that could be happening to us.

I'm thankful for the new books my parents sent for Parker. He LOVES them. And one of them, in particular, has just been the perfect metaphor for this week. It is a book of cute poems titled, "Oops!" Here's a sample poem from "Oops!"

FEVER ACHIEVER
I've got a thermometer in my mouth
because Mom says I'm sick. It
is better to have it north than south
(where she wanted to stick it!).

I'm thankful to have discovered our monthly house payment even with taxes, mello roos and association fees will be less than our current rent.

I'm thankful our air conditioning is working.

I'm thankful Parker has been doing so well with potty learning, even while not feeling his best.

I'm thankful Parker and I have found lots of reasons to giggle and laugh this week.

I'm thankful for my parents' generous gift into P's college fund (for no special reason than just because).

and I'm also thankful for all the cute moments we've had that I remembered to journal...

One morning I was reading my Bible and drinking my tea and Parker became very interested, of course, and kept coming over to see what I was reading. When I was done drinking my tea, I asked him if he wanted to pray with me. He was very excited about it and closed his eyes and folded his hands, as though he'd done it a thousand times. It was so cute. After our prayer and saying "Amen," he got off my lap and walked away saying something about Jesus. A few minutes later, he was asking to pray with me again, so this time I asked him to say the prayer. It was short and sweet and ended with an "Amen!"

Another time we were folding laundry and P-man picked up one of my bras and put it around one of his shoulders. Here was the ensuing conversation:

P: "I'm wearing Mama's underwear!"
Me: *laugh* "That's my bra."
P: "This goes on Mama's boobies."
Me: "Um, Yes. Yes it does."

One day Parker was playing with his "cool" orange car and he would get up and run a short distance saying, "I'll be right back." Then he'd pretend he was getting a tool from Dada's toolbox and would run back to the car and pretend to "fix the battery." He then started talking to me:

P: "He's got hash pipes!"
Me: "What?!?"
P: "Hash pipes."
Me: "Oh, exhaust pipes?"
P: "YES! Hash pipes."

We were out driving today and Parker pointed to a stop sign.

P: "P-O-T-S spells stop!"
Me: *laugh* "S-T-O-P spells stop, silly! You read it backwards!"

Confessions of a Mad Mother

I have to admit everyone's right. Being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I've learned so much about myself these past couple of years; some things I like, many I don't. I feel like I need therapy now, but I can't afford it, so I'm trying the next best thing: writing and sharing with family and friends.

This past year has been really tough for me as a parent. Parker started tantrums early, around one year of age, and they've continued to escalate. My health has been all over the place with my thyroid issues and my injured back and I've been using those things to excuse my number one issue right now: rage. Since my health has been stabilizing lately and the rage still comes once in awhile, I think there's more of an emotional aspect deep down that brings it out rather than a physical one. It doesn't come from thin air, it does need some provoking to come out, but still, I don't feel like I can excuse it anymore.

Monday, as an example, Parker wanted to go outside to watch Dada's truck come home. Since he didn't fall asleep during his quiet time, I thought it would be best to get his bath done early to be prepared for an early bedtime. I told him we could go out to meet Dada's truck if he took a really quick bath first. Of course, getting him in the bath is a struggle, but we managed OK. Then, once he was in, he was having a lot of fun and didn't want to come out. I explained to him that if he wanted to meet Dada's truck in time, he'd have to come out. He didn't seem to care, so I let it go for awhile and let him play some more. Long story short, it finally clicks in his head that he wants to see Dada's truck, but by that time I knew Jake would be home soon and we wouldn't have time so I told him that unfortunately because he didn't get out when I asked, he wouldn't get to see Dada's truck. He started crying and throwing a huge fit and refused to get out of the tub (at this point the tub was empty, thank goodness). With my back hurting, I didn't want to just reach in there and pull him out unless I absolutely had to. With him sitting there wailing, ignoring any reasoning I tossed his way, I could feel the anger creeping up and up and I knew I needed to step away for a minute, but I couldn't. I was afraid he'd get hurt if I left him alone. So of course I didn't leave. I opened up the bathroom door thinking if he got cold enough he would want to get out. It didn't work, he just wailed on and on, nothing I said hitting home. Then it happened, I lost all control. I dragged him out and gave him a whack on his bottom, which surprised him but of course didn't help with the crying. As much as I didn't enjoy doing it, I do admit I wanted to hit him. I was so angry at him for being so stubborn, for being good only when he gets things his way, for being EXACTLY LIKE ME! The spanking event ruined my night and I stressed about it the rest of the evening. I stayed up late mulling it over, and woke up early mulling it over.

I know anyone who spends enough time with me knows this without my saying, but I am an anal control freak. I think to some extent I've always known that about myself, but I never realized how much of one I was and how much it negatively affects others until I became a mother. Honestly I can't even stand myself sometimes. I hear things coming out of my mouth and I wish I could just duct tape it shut. I wish there were really such a thing as a chill pill that I could take. I don't handle stress well. My reasoning shuts down and I do and say things that even I don't understand.

So I'm trying to be open and honest about my rage problem. I don't believe in spanking in general. Growing up with it, I don't think it really works, and it was not in my parenting plan (there I go again, needing to follow a plan) to use it. But I know that if someone chooses to use spanking as discipline, it needs to come from a calm, in-control place, not one of anger. There's a fine line between spanking and abuse, and that line is easily crossed when one is in road rage mode. I know all this, but I let it happen anyway.

I truly think the anger comes from disliking myself, from doubting myself as a wife and mother. I always want to excel at everything. I've always set the bar high for myself from getting good grades to working hard, etc. You'd think that working hard would be enough to make me feel proud of myself, but I also want to see good results from my hard work. It drives me crazy that I can do things "by the book" and it won't work on Parker (like napping). It upsets me when I spend hours working on a meal only to have it turn out barely edible. I feel like I need to have the place in tip top shape when the hubby gets home because that's my share of the work load, and when I have those days when it just doesn't happen because I either felt like crap or had a hard day with Parker, I feel guilty... and then I feel angry for feeling guilty.

When I go through these things, I start having flashbacks of my childhood. I don't want to say my parents were bad parents, but I do think there was a lot of dysfunction and in general, quite a few scary things that happened. I don't want it to be like that for Parker. I'm so afraid I'm going to damage him and he's going to grow up resenting or hating me. I know I'm not the only mommy who worries about this, but I can't help feeling a little bit alone in all of this sometimes.

But seeing as how this is supposed to be Thankful Thursday, I do want to end my Therapy Thursday (haha) on a more positive note:

*I'm thankful Parker and I had an awesome time together on Tuesday... he slept in late, took an almost two hour nap, and went down easily for bed (let's not discuss Wednesday).
*I'm thankful I was able to sit down last weekend and get three weeks of blogs done (excluding my Thankful Thursdays).
*I'm thankful Parker woke up talking two times this week instead of crying.
*I'm thankful for my son's sense of humor (yes, I'm a piggy and I also smell like monkey balls).
*I'm thankful my hubby has taken over bedtime with Parker. I get to say goodnight and Jake gets to stay in with Parker and make up all the awful[ly great] stories while I get a head start on me time. Parker goes down without a peep almost every night now. I remember my Dad telling us stories and reading us books before bed. I think it's precious Parker is going to have those memories, too.
*I'm thankful for my little sister's comments on our blogs :), and...
*I'm thankful knowing there will come a day when I can look back on this time and miss it fondly.

Monday Blues: Love/Hate Relationship

My computer and I have had a rocky relationship the past couple of weeks, and these pained faces of Parker just describe without words how it's made me feel. These pictures are from a day when he really wanted to play with my camera and I only let him for a few minutes until he started to delete my pictures. Parker: "up, left, OK!" Me: "What? What did you just delete?". Haha! Back one day when I let him take a ton of pictures, he loved watching the pictures delete because they digitally faded into blue and I would make a funny noise every time. He wanted to try so I showed him how to do it: "up button, left button, OK button". OOPS! My mistake.

In any case, back to the original story. My computer must have wandered places it shouldn't have and it picked up some nasty viruses. I then discovered in the process of trying to clean up my computer that I had to buy more RAM in order to even run an anti-virus program properly. As my computer was out of commission for a while until my new RAM arrived, I was using my dear husband's computer, which he was none too thrilled about. His fancy-schmancy music recording computer has been forever tainted by my estrogen-filled presence. Around the same time as all of this was going on, we changed our internet service from DSL to cable modem and immediately started having problems. We finally got a tech out here today and discovered the original installer missed some wiring that needed updating in order for the internet to work properly. Yay! Now I finally have a healthier, faster computer and I can get back to blogging. Fortunately I had blogged in advance last week so I doubt anyone in the blogging world even noticed my absence! Time for me to catch up again!

Updates and Reflections

We have been busy bees since Thursday and I haven't had much time to sit at the computer (I promise ya'll I will read and return your emails soon!). I'm making a little time here and there today to work on this blog since I have to ice my back periodically anyway. I've been doing pilates again and have had no problem with my lower back ligament until today when Parker and I were reading Mother Goose Rhymes and doing "This is the Way the Ladies Ride" amongst other active songs/rhymes. I wasn't as careful as I should have been bouncing him around on my knees and lifting him up and down. Oops.

Parker Likes Pilates, Too!

This past week has been mixed with blessings and trials. Parker has pretty much decided that he's done napping (I'm still hoping it's just a phase, I mean, he's not even two yet). So I've been trying to implement quiet time at least so I can get a "lunch" break. He has been very good about it and will play and sing in his crib but rarely will actually fall asleep. If he never falls asleep and starts getting antsy before an hour is up, I go in there and set up a timer with the remaining time left so he has a reference, but today, for example, he played in there for an hour and 15 minutes and never cried once. It is nice that when he doesn't fall asleep he doesn't go through the weird afternoon moodiness and tantrums, plus he falls asleep much easier at night and usually sleeps a little longer to make up for it.

Friday morning Parker and I spent a few hours in Dana Point (blog with pics on that to come later). Friday night and Saturday were fun family time...

For Example:

Playing "Drums" With Dada

... along with getting some chores done. I had to get an oil change for my car, so we put the car seat in Jake's truck so that he could take us home and not have to sit there for a couple of hours. The only way it would fit properly was facing forward with the base off, so after all that work rearranging the thing, we decided to just go ahead and keep Parker facing forward now even in my car. He loves it. He sits in the middle and gets to watch everything going on. He likes to say "green light go!" "yellow light slow..." "red light, stop!"

Sunday we dropped Parker off at Grandma and Grandpa Munns' house for a sleep over and Jake and I went to Jenny and Steve's house for dinner and adult conversation! Jenny is an old co-worker and friend of mine. We are thinking of taking a big leap into home ownership within the next year and Steve has agreed to help us out with our search, all while doing his regular job and working on Pepperdine's MBA program! Jenny is also working and completing her nursing degree. What a busy couple!

Monday I met up with a couple of old friends from high school (Christine and Sara) while Jake got the condo to himself and finally got to spend some quality time working on recording more music. I had so much fun catching up with Sara and Christine. I hadn't seen Sara in probably ten years! Fortunately Christine and I have had the opportunity to get together a few times since then, but it's never enough. It's interesting to see the different paths we've taken in life and how much we've grown up (but not aged - no never that), yet each of us still seems to have the same personality/roles we had in high school. It's good to see some things never change and we love each other for who we are, through thick and thin, good and bad, and all that mushy stuff. I can't wait to meet up with them again!

Today Parker and I watched a good portion of the inauguration ceremony. I can't believe how emotional it was for me. Now that I'm older, I appreciate more what kind of history I'm living in today and I am hopeful that President Obama will make some positive changes to this wonderful country. I'm not sure Parker will remember this day, but I enjoyed celebrating the moment with him. He held his hand over his heart while the soldiers sang the National Anthem and I was so proud of him and our country.

Un-Thankful Thursday?

Happy New Year everyone! Ours started out quite miserably. Parker woke up even earlier than usual which, even though I was tired, wasn't too big of a deal since I had been awake for awhile after having a stressful dream and a racing heart that I couldn't seem to calm down. I got up and was incredibly hungry and cranky but couldn't eat because I had to wait an hour after taking my thyroid medication. Parker has been sick the last couple of days and even though he's often whiney, it just seemed magnified today and I couldn't handle it. Fortunately, Jake managed to drag himself out of bed early and save Parker from my wrath. I gave myself a time out and then came back out to eat. Once the food settled in me and my blood sugar rose to a more normal level, the jittery road rage settled down and I felt a little better, though still exhausted. I have been dreading doing this blog today because I've had a hard time feeling grateful about anything! Jake took down all our Christmas decorations and cards today and just seeing our place looking so bare made me feel depressed. I took Parker out for a spin on his new tricycle and getting some fresh air revitalized me a little and let me think more positively about the things that have happened this week. So, here are a few things I thought about that have helped me feel better about trying to finish off the day with a (slightly) better attitude.

1. I'm grateful that Jake has been home to help me take care of sick, extra needy, sleep-fighting Parker.
2. I'm grateful that I've gotten in a couple of much needed naps this week.
3. I'm grateful to have spent time with my family and that they traveled so far to see us.
4. I'm grateful that I have family and friends that always seem to forgive me when I go crazy.
5. I'm grateful that I've been humbled enough in the last couple of years to be able to accept help physically and financially that I would never have allowed myself to accept before.
6. I'm grateful that the computers at the parking lot of my doctor's office malfunctioned and I didn't have to pay for parking on Monday.
   
7. And last but not least, I'm grateful to live in an area that can bring beautiful weather even in January!
   

Monday Blues

Warning: The following videos and pics are not for the weak of heart... or anyone who can't stand kids and their crying! About a week ago Parker woke up from his nap screaming uncontrollably. I tried taking him outside, asking him if he wanted food, holding him (which just led to him kicking me so that didn't last long), distracting him... I think the only thing that would have worked was turning on the TV, but I didn't want him to think that he could get to watch TV just by throwing a tantrum. Parker's biggest tantrums are always after his nap (anyone care to explain this to me?) Most of the regular tantrums from not getting his way are much shorter and it's much easier to distract him. I decided to get this tantrum on video because I wanted him to see himself when he was older, but upon the request of my friend Morgan (who has never seen a Parker tantrum), I am posting it for everyone to see. Enjoy!

About 15 minutes into the tantrum
(don't worry, the next videos aren't as long or torturous as this one)

About 30 minutes into the tantrum:

About 45 minutes into the tantrum:

About an hour into the tantrum I put a bowl of pretzels and some OJ on a table within his reach and slowly backed away. As soon as he noticed the snack, his crying calmed a little and he started eating, sniffling for a few more minutes just to show me that he still wasn't happy. After the food started to settle in him, he was fine for the rest of the evening, as you can see... the ham in him quickly came out.

This Week's Adventures: Part 1

We've been keeping busy this week, starting it off with Parker's appointment with the Urologist on Monday. Fortunately, it looks like unless Parker starts having bladder infections, we won't have to do any further testing. The doc said that the next time Parker has an unexplained fever or a suspected ear infection, to make sure his doctor gets a urine sample as well, just to rule it out. Otherwise, the swelling is in an area that doesn't concern the doctor too much and if all goes well we'll just get another ultrasound in about a year to follow up.

Parker has been teething really badly this week (his 2 year molars are coming in already), and it's been affecting his naps, but we decided to try Ibuprofen again (it used to really upset his tummy) and it's been helping A LOT! So has Orajel and, strangely enough, one of his old toothbrushes. Most teethers can't reach in the back so I decided one day to give him an old toothbrush that is more rubbery than hard and it does bring him some relief. We just decided to buy The Teethifier, and we're hoping he'll like that, too. He hasn't used pacifiers in a long time, so it's hard to say for sure.

Parker's newest words: taco, black, purple, green, yellow, orange, apple, uh-oh, crackers, ball, chocolate, water, yummy, loco, wow (he's already been saying ow for a long time, so this wasn't a real stretch), bum-bum (our word for his butt). Speaking of bum-bum, there are some words that I completely forgot that he's been saying for a long time: Ears, eyes, nose, toes, and penis (sorry, but it's true). He's also been learning his alphabet and these are the letters he remembers the most and will point to and say without coaxing: "D," "N" (this is his favorite lately), "M", "O", "X", and "Z." In any case, Parker's language is really blossoming and we don't feel like he should need speech therapy. Whew! One less thing to have to schedule and worry about.

Anyone who has visited our place knows that Parker loves to color (he's working on filling up all our empty wall space with his pictures), but this week he has been hard core about it since I bought him washable markers. He thinks they are WAY cooler than crayons. Here are just a couple of his masterpieces from this week:

This one is crayon - done solo

This one is (obviously) marker
(a group effort from Parker, Mama and Dada)

This week's adventures part II to follow soon (once we get pics/videos uploaded from our camera) :)

Just Playing

The last couple of weeks have had a lot of ups and downs with Mama going through some rough patches emotionally and physically. Parker, unfortunately, feeds off of Mama's stress and acts out even more, making everything compound on itself. The weekends are somewhat of a break for Mama as Dada is there to feel her pain and help her keep the little man occupied. Unfortunately, often when Dada tries to take over Parker whines and cries asking for Mama, making Dada more hesitant to step in and making Mama want to pull her hair out.

Mama, giving Parker a fair warning.

Look what I can do.

I see you!

Yes, Dad, I just washed my hair, now stop sniffing it.

Now you did it!

No Mama, we swear we didn't do it.

Mama and Dada have found the best relief is to just get Parker out of the house as he is usually very good when he gets a chance to explore new places. He went buck wild in Kohl's this past weekend and had a blast playing "you can't catch me" with Mama and Dada. He also loves spending time with Grandma and Grandpa Munns and going out to eat... as long as he gets his own meal and the restaurant has lots of things to look at.

On days when it's too hot to even step outside our door without melting, we try to keep the little man occupied indoors in the AC. As long as Mama is nearby watching, Parker will usually play peacefully, so Mama has found it's a good way to catch up on her reading. Sometimes Parker will grab one of his books and sit in the chair next to her and read quietly as well. His latest obsession is lining up his toys.

Lining up cars: Day 1

Lining up cars: Day 2

Lining up cars: Day 3

Lastly, here's a fun video for ya'll to enjoy:

Parker, the Kissing Hair Dresser: