Wait, I'm Not Invincible?

I've been keeping really busy today, but somehow have found that there's still been plenty of time for reflection. I'm attempting to write everything out in the hopes that by the end of it I will stop feeling sorry for myself and be thankful to God for what I do have.

After a visit to the doctor yesterday, my invincibility cloak (bad Harry Potter pun/metaphor) has slipped off my shoulders. Finally, after almost four years, I have a plausible diagnosis of a chronic pain in my lower left abdomen. August 28th, 2005 - I lugged a much-too-heavy suitcase upstairs and shortly afterward was doubled up in pain on my bed. I waited as long as I could stand it before I went to see a doctor. I had a CT scan done and a pelvic ultrasound. No hernia or other obvious answer for the pain showed up. The doctor I was seeing happened to have endometriosis herself and decided that's what I had as well. She told me that she had never been able to have kids because she had waited too long. She went on to mention that if I wanted to have kids, I'd better start trying now before the disease progressed farther because "it could take you five years to get pregnant... if you're lucky!"

Jake and I discussed it. We weren't sure we were ready. We had been together over six years, but we had just gotten married in June, and Jake had just had brain surgery in July! Did we want to take the risk of bringing a kid into this world in the midst of all these big things? But we decided that yes, we did want kids, and if it might take years to get pregnant, we were willing to give it a shot.

The next month, I was pregnant. What happened to five years? A couple of days before Thanksgiving, I had a miscarriage. Thinking at first that the miscarriage could have been because of the supposed endometriosis, we waited six months and tried again. Within a month, I was pregnant again. So much for endometriosis. But then, the pain practically disappeared during my pregnancy. I had a few "episodes" as I called them, but nothing that lasted too long. Huh, I thought. Maybe it was endometriosis. But the pain didn't really return after Parker was born. If it did, it was little episodes like I had during my pregnancy that I didn't worry about.

Then, about a month ago, the pain came back full force. Sometimes it felt like it did that first night and the pain was so bad I almost wanted to cry. Other times it was more mellow, and then sometimes there would be almost a whole day without pain. But it always started up again.

I had recently started eating peanut butter again after laying off of it for awhile because it made me feel blah, and I thought maybe the pain was a strange reaction to peanut butter. I kept a food journal, and it seemed as though it were possible. I stopped eating peanut butter and within a few days the pain was gone. Then I ate it to test it out. The pain returned six hours later! I thought maybe, just maybe, I had found the answer. But after stopping the peanut butter completely, I still had a few more episodes. Darn.

I gave in and made an appointment to see my doctor (a different one - I had stopped seeing the other kooky doctor long ago). About five days before my appointment, the pain pretty much went away again and didn't return. Even so, I decided to keep the appointment.

I discussed all of this with the doctor and he had me lay down with my knees up and started pressing on my abdomen. He found the spot, but it really didn't seem to hurt all that much. Then he told me to put my legs straight up in the air as he was pressing down on my side. What? I tried to barely lift one foot and pain shot throughout my abdomen. My face turned red with effort, I gave up and I told him I couldn't do it. The doctor gave me a triumphant grin (sometimes I really can't stand that guy) and told me that it was my abdominal wall.

He said I had probably strained it or torn my abdominal wall when I was lifting the luggage, but not enough to cause a hernia (hence why they didn't see anything with the ultrasound). He said that the pain now could be from scar tissue from not healing well, or I re-injured the area. Either way, he said, there's not much that can be done except to rest it, ice and heat it, and take anti-inflammatory drugs like Ibuprofen when I feel the pain. He said that, just as some people have "trick knees," I'd done some permanent damage and would probably have to deal with this the rest of my life. The only other thing they might be able to do if I don't get the pain under control is give me a cortisone shot in the area. He said we'd wait a month to see how things go before attempting that.

I left the office feeling surprisingly elated. This is an answer that makes sense! And I don't have to have any more tests! Sweet! I was a little bit in pain after the unplanned calisthenics on the doctor's table, but it didn't seem like anything I couldn't handle. Later in the afternoon, bam - the pain hits me full force again. There went my joy.

Today, even after taking the recommended double-dose of Ibuprofen, the pain still hasn't completely gone away and I'm playing the blame game. I'm always injuring myself because I tend to act like I'm invincible. I think I forget sometimes that I'm 5 feet tall, 100 pounds (OK give [not take] 5 pounds or so) and not Wonder Woman.

About 8 or 9 years ago, I moved an office desk all by myself because I wanted it in a different area. The very next day, I had a sharp pain all the way down my left leg that made it nearly impossible for me to walk. An advice nurse told me over the phone that I probably had a slipped disc in my back and it was pinching on my nerve. Oops. It took a really long time to heal from that episode.

You'd think I'd have learned from that, right? No, not really. A few years ago I tried moving a whole bunch of heavy boxes in the storage area at work and ended up hurting my wrist. That is an injury that still acts up once in awhile.

Then last year I injured my back again when my 11 year-old 80-pound neighbor surprised me and jumped on my back. Instead of making her get down right away, I stupidly tried to carry her and ended up straining my lower back. Again, I had to rest it to heal. Not really easy seeing as how I still had to carry Parker around everywhere. I tried to be good, but I couldn't stop carrying him completely. I mean, he wasn't even two at the time.

And now, Ms. Big Shot thought that she could start a workout regimen without consulting her doctor first. Today was supposed to be my last day of my training program before trying the 100 push-ups and 200 squats in a row (I was a few weeks behind on the crunches so not quite there yet). I'm bummed that it appears I can't finish my goal. I was so close!

I'm beginning to realize that I have limitations and I often over-do it because... well, I think I just don't want to admit to myself that I can't do anything and everything. No wonder the Bible touches on pride. Well, God, today my pride has been knocked down a couple of notches. That's probably a good thing. Maybe I needed this as a reminder that I still have a lot of things left to learn. I haven't been using "common sense and sound judgment." Proverbs 3:21.

Today Parker was unusually loud and hyper everywhere we went, loving all the attention he was getting from people. He was uncommonly adventurous and wanted to climb a rock wall at the playground all by himself. Actually, he wanted to climb everything at the park and to try jumping off of things. I felt terrible because he finally was being brave enough to attempt these things and here I was asking him not to go up certain things because of the pain I was in. I knew that I wouldn't be able to guide him or be able to keep him from getting hurt. It was a reminder to me that if I want to be able to keep up with this kid in the future, I had better take care of myself now and let people help me more often instead of stubbornly trying to do things by myself.

I do feel better now (emotionally anyway), especially after spending some time reading the Bible and finding the verses below. Thank you, God, for everything you've done and please forgive me for feeling sorry for myself! I know everything happens for a reason and this, too, shall pass.
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"Too much pride can put you to shame. It's wiser to be humble." Proverbs 11:2

"I have made everything; that's how it all came to be. I, the Lord, have spoken. The people I treasure most are the humble - they depend only on me and tremble when I speak." Isaiah 66:2

"We don't have the right to claim that we have done anything on our own. God gives us what it takes to do all that we do." 2 Corinthians 3:5

Conversations with P-Man

I've been journaling these little moments and have no energy to write anything creative or work on the videos I have piled up, so I thought it was a good time to do another round of these:

July 9

(P is pulling his music blanket from his room into the living room)

Me: "Parker, I just WASHED that today! What are you doing with it?"

P: "I'm getting it dirty!"

Later that day....

Me: "Hey buddy, you want some calcium?"

P: "Oh yes! I open it all by myself?"

Me: "Uh... no."

P: "Uh... YES!"

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July 11

Dada: "Parker, are you a big boy?"

P: "No, I'm a baby still."

D: "You are? How old are you?"

P: "32 pounds!"

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July 21st

Me: "P you hungry? Do you want me to make dinner?"

P: (heavy shrug and sigh) "Whatever."

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This next one doesn't have a date attached because it's something he uses all the time. Basically, instead of using the term "I want," he says, "I'd better." Some examples:

"I'd better get down now."

"I'd better play with cars."

"I'd better do it by myself."

"I'd better go to sleep now." (Yeah right, I wish he said that).

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"Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying." Romans 12:12

Sleep Deprivation?

I've been driving my husband nuts lately. This is nothing new, but I'm taking it to great heights. I have been doing things without actually paying attention to what I'm doing. This is also nothing new, but definitely worse than even my usual lack of spatial awareness. I'm leaving cabinet doors open, lights on, the stool keeps getting left in the middle of the kitchen floor, laundry left in the washing machine for hours... I'm surprised I haven't found cereal in the fridge and milk in the cabinet yet (yes, I've done that).

Last night hubby and I were getting ready for bed. I flossed. I rinsed with Plax to loosen my plaque. I used my gum massager. I rinsed with Act fluoride rinse. I then go to open the door to leave and hubby gave me a weird look.

"Aren't you going to brush your teeth?"

I gave him a weird look right back. Huh? Didn't I just... oh my gosh! I never actually brushed my teeth! The worst part was that I couldn't remember NOT doing it. I had to feel my toothbrush to see if it was wet. It was dry, of course.

Then I asked him if he was going to go pee before we left the bathroom. He rolls his eyes. Apparently he had already done that right in front of me a couple of minutes prior.

This is bad. I can't blame it on mommy brain anymore, can I? I mean, my son is almost 2.5!

I admit I haven't been sleeping well lately. The other night I woke up with a pain in my neck and down my spine. After an hour of tossing and turning, I took some Tylenol. After a half an hour, still in pain, I decided to give my hunny a break and move to the living room. I set up some pillows and blankets on the floor and figured I'd be up the rest of the night. But, I actually fell asleep within minutes and stayed there until morning. I woke up, stood up (but stayed hunched like a cave-man from being so sore) and hobbled into my bedroom where clueless hubby stares at my wild messed-up hair. "Where've you been?" I had to think about it. Where had I been?

This afternoon, I came out to the living room after putting P down for a nap and was going to do my push-up/squat/sit-up program. But I forgot. I just now remembered. I have precious little time left now before I have to start making dinner. I planned chicken noodle soup and cornbread. It's 81 degrees inside with the AC on.

Oops.
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"A truly good wife is the most precious treasure a man can find!" - Proverbs 31:10 (maybe it's because they're rare?)

Men... Why We Love Them

Remember the "newlywed" days when you couldn't wait to see the other person, when you relished every moment spent together, and when you used the restroom you shut the door, turned on the fan and ran the water to drown out any embarrassing noises? Me neither.

I have a vague recollection of this happening, though.

Fast forward 10 years. We still only have one bathroom. Things can get a little ugly when someone's in the shower or getting ready at the sink and the other really has to "go." Needless to say, I rarely bother to even shut the door anymore. If I spend more than two minutes in the bathroom with the door shut my little "follows-me-everywhere" Parker is opening it anyway.

I've been teaching him about privacy. He will give it to me when I ask (for a minute if I'm lucky). Sometimes I swear he has the memory of a goldfish. Actually, it's probably more because I ask for it that it makes him all the more curious. Especially during "that time" of the month. It's usually the only time I bother to ask for it.

The other day he closed the door when I asked for privacy. Thirty seconds later he popped it back open. He left it open and walked toward his room. 10 seconds later he was nonchalantly passing by, pretending not to look but looking nonetheless. Another 10 seconds and he walks by the other direction doing the same thing. It took every stern mothering instinct in me not to laugh at his antics despite the indecent exposure on my part.

My husband is a little more private about his private stuff. He actually locks the door. But he has gotten a little more lenient about "letting loose" in the restroom. Out of necessity, he had to give in and start peeing in front of me. He was so embarrassed about it at first. "Don't look!" Of course I teased him to no end and pretended to look while really trying not to. I mean, who (in their right mind) wants to see that? But I've learned some new things from this endeavor...

Wait, let me back up a little. I complain about having one bathroom, but we have some really funny memories in the bathroom that I wouldn't want to change for anything. Hubby and I almost always do our bedtime routine in the bathroom together. The bathroom is between our room and Parker's room, so we try to be as quiet as possible when he's asleep. This is not usually feasible when we're trying hard not to laugh at each other's grossness (is that a word? well it is now).

For example, one time while we were brushing our teeth, Jake realized he had to fart. In an effort to muffle the fart, he decided to back up (beep... beep... beep...) into his towel before letting go. Bad idea. Somehow it was magnified ten times as it bounced off the wall behind the towel. I nearly choked on my toothpaste.

OK, so back to the prior subject of urination. I've noticed that Jake seems to fart at the end of every pee (OK, so farts are still in the subject as well). The other night I asked him if it was physically possible for him to pee without farting and he simply stated, "No."

Then I started picturing a public men's room with a man at every urinal, each one farting as if to state, "I'm man, I'm almost done peeing, hear me roar!" When I voiced this mental picture aloud to hubby, he matter of factly stated, "Oh, it happens all the time. It's generally accepted. It's not like everyone stops and points to laugh... unless it smells horrible. Then we wait until the person leaves and someone states 'Did you SMELL that?'"

Another mental picture pops in my head of a group of men crowding around to get a sniff.

A couple of nights ago I had to smile when I passed by the bathroom and hubby was helping Parker use the potty. Parker insisted on standing up like Dada, but this time he didn't want a stool because Dada doesn't use one. Imagine this if you can... nearly 2.5 year-old Parker is on his tippy toes and Jake is holding his armpits. P's "boys" are "resting" on the toilet rim. Jake is cheering him on as he (somehow) makes it in the bowl.

The smile on my face quickly faded when a new picture popped in my head. Parker, as a grown man, farting while pinching off the last of his pee.

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"Words of wisdom are a stream that flows from a deep fountain." Proverbs 18:4

Learning to Read

We've been working on and off with Parker trying to teach him how to recognize words; he has flashcards, his own mini computer my sister bought him for Christmas, we test his memory while reading his books, or we just use his Magna Doodle or pen and paper to write out letters/words. My Dad (a teacher) recently referred me to some websites that help children learn to read. Whoa! They are so much fun for him (and easier, too)! He loves his little kid computer, but he still has a hard time manipulating through the games without our help. The websites my Dad sent me are not just teaching him how to read, but also boosting his computer skills. I usually let him type on the computer once a day or so; he chats on Facebook (my poor friend John usually gets chosen for this), he writes emails, or I'll just open WordPad and let him go for it. The mouse skills; however, have been a little more difficult to teach. Until now!

I've been so excited watching Parker using these websites that I thought it would be nice to share them with my fellow mom bloggers:

Starfall is our favorite site so far because it builds up the skills slowly, it's very interactive, and it's the best one for his age (not quite 2.5). Within just a couple of play sessions, Parker is now able to move the mouse and click on items all by himself! It makes him feel more independent and he is as proud of himself as we are of him. The bright colors are fun and help to keep his attention. I haven't tried to see how long he would sit and play, but I imagine it would be a LONG time. I usually limit it to about a half an hour though.

Cbeebies is geared toward slightly older children, I think, and isn't really helpful for beginner readers. It's also a bit more confusing to manuever through the website. It does have lots of games/activities, but again, probably will be better for Parker in another 6 months to a year.

E-Learning For Kids is neat because it's more than just reading, but we'll try utilizing it more when Parker is older. We've tried playing some of the games and he does OK with counting, but adding and other math is too tricky for him just yet. The worst part is the annoying little robot dog that takes FOREVER to go through his speeches. Parker gets a little restless and I usually want to reach through the screen and put a muzzle on the ugly little yapper. Haha!

A fellow named Mike McQueen who found me on Mom Bloggers Club also sent me his website: Getting Boys to Read. It's not geared toward teaching kids skills so much as it is full of articles and tips for parents to help them understand boys and what gets them excited (or not so excited) about reading.

Do any of you folks know of more websites out there like these? Please leave me a comment or send me an email. I'd love to check them out!

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"Teach your children right from wrong, and when they are grown they will still do right." Proverbs 22:6

Perfect End to our Nice Summer Day!

P's first ice cream cone!

100 Push Up Challenge

Mommy-Momo turned me on to this 100 Push Ups in 6 weeks Challenge going around the blogging world.

At first I thought, "yeah, right." But then I was curious to see how many I could do. I was able to complete 15 regular style. I was bummed. 15? How would I ever be able to do 100? When I read the challenge from onehundredpushups.com more completely, I discovered that using a variety of push-up methods still counted. I found that if I did them with the knees down and using fists instead of palms (I have a wrist injury from awhile back), I could do 30! That's twice as many as the regular style. From that point on, I was hooked. I can do this! I think.

I've noticed that quite a few people have been videotaping their push-ups, so I thought it'd be fun to do the same...



(OK, not really. This is Parker, of course, aiming for 100 push-ups as well). ;)

Doing more reading on the website, I discovered there were also programs for two-hundred sit-ups and two-hundred squats. Whoa boy, you'd better believe I'm trying those as well!

My initial squat testing surprised me. I did 70 and only stopped because my knees hurt a little. I suspected I might be doing them incorrectly, but I double-checked my form and I'm pretty sure I was doing them right? Not too shabby, I think (for me anyway).

My initial sit-up testing also surprised me, but in the respect that I could only do 25 in a row! Yikes! I thought with all my pilates work that my stomach muscles would be pretty strong. Looks like I have some more work to do!

This work out program couldn't have come around at a better time. It's much easier to do than work out videos when Parker's awake (although I'm still trying to do those as well). Parker's sleep schedule has changed and he's been going to bed later so it hasn't been feasible for me to do my night walk/runs. I don't have a jogging stroller so I can't run with Parker during the day, and really, it's usually been way too hot to even just walk during the day. So I've mostly been doing videos in the morning before the true heat hits, but even that's difficult with Parker around. He usually wants to do them too, which would be fine if he weren't always right where I needed to be. If I'm doing any type of cardio requiring me to move around, he's always right there. If I take out a mat to do pilates floor work/yoga, forget it! He wants to be on it, too. He's so cute though; how could I be upset? Watch him do his own work-out below!



But after yesterday and realizing that exercising first thing in the morning messes up my day, I'm going to have to try moving my exercise to a different time of day again. Too bad I'm usually pooped and just want to veg out by the time P's nap comes around. Oh well, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't - well it's better to be happy and a little out of shape than thin and cranky!

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"Be happy and shout to God who makes us strong!" - Psalm 81:1

Thankful Thursday

Ah, I can feel it. Today is going to be a MUCH better day! I've been trying to exercise in the morning before the heat hits and it's always a rush to get everything in so I can finally eat and get on with the day and the rest of the chores. Today I decided to let my body rest. I ate breakfast at a reasonable hour, drank my tea, Bible study and prayer, and put on my calming girly music. Some Joni, some Mazzy, some Norah, some Fiona... yes! It's going to be a much better day, and for that, I'm thankful. I think that perhaps exercising in the morning just doesn't suit me. It messes up my whole aura for the day. I need to start with calm and food and time with Jesus and ease into everything at a slower pace. My soul needs its nourishment first, I guess!

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"I offer you my heart, Lord God, and I trust you." Psalm 25:1

"Show my your paths and teach me to follow; guide me by your truth and instruct me. You keep me safe, and I always trust you." Psalm 25:4-5

Camera Woes

For anyone who didn't see this post, P's diaper bag was taken from the trunk of our car in May and our camera was inside it. Well, shortly after this incident, Jake's brother Andy offered us an extra camera he had. It is an older Canon, but I thought it took nicer pictures than my newer camera did. Unfortunately, my computer won't recognize his camera so I am unable to load pictures from the camera to the computer. After learning this, Jake's mom decided to get herself a new one and gave us her old one. It is basically the same as our old one, but a step above I think. I spent a lot of time trying to learn how to use it and took quite a few pictures in the process. I think I wore it out! The day I first made the Peanut Butter Banana Muffins, the camera decided to start taking pictures that look like this:


I think God was sending me a message to stop trying to capture every moment on film and instead actually live in the moment; to spend more time worshiping Him and loving and enjoying my family. So for the past month or so I've been taking that lesson to heart and remembering that life is not about capturing every moment and blogging about it!

There's one catch. The video camera function on the camera still works. Weird, huh? So, you'll probably be seeing more videos on the blog to make up for the lack of pictures. I guess God is allowing me to slowly wean off my blogging addiction this way. :)
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"Nothing is as wonderful as knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have given up everything else and count it all as garbage. All I want is Christ and to know that I belong to him." Philippians 3:8-9

Conversations with Parker: Lessons

~The Truth Hurts~

Dada: "OK Buddy, I'm going to work now. Are you going to miss me?"

Parker: "No. I'll just play with my cars."

Lesson: Don't ask your child a question unless you can handle the truth.


~Substituting Words~

Parker (pulling on the crotch of his PJ pants): I have a fudgie.

Mama: A what? A fudgie? You mean a wedgie?

Parker: Yes, a fudgie.

Lesson: Fudge in the pants is uncomfortable.


~Idioms~

If there's anything we can learn from our children, it's the words and phrases we ourselves say often without even realizing it.

Parker's latest idiom: "or somethin'." He uses it quite often, and, somehow, always appropriately. It made me wonder where he picked it up. Then I started to pay attention to how often I used it. Quite a lot, actually. Whenever he wants an explanation for something, I almost always end my explanation with "or somethin'." Oops! I sound really intelligent!

Coming from a two year-old, though, it's quite disarming (and amusing)! Here's an example of Parker using it:

Mama: "Hey Parker, look at the airplane in the sky! Do you see it?"

Parker: "Yes!"

Mama: "Where do you think it's going?"

Parker: "To visit the cars."

Mama: "Oh yeah? Which cars?"

Parker: "The blue ones and red ones, or somethin'"

Lesson: Watch what you say around your kids, dag nabbit!

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"You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

Peanut Butter Banana Muffins

My friend Kristin shared this recipe with me from Deceptively Delicious and I had to share it with you. They are so yummy that I have made them twice already! The best part is the hint she shared with me. Wrap them up and freeze them! Microwave them for 20 seconds and you're good to go. I love these for a special treat for my son, or lazy mornings I'll share a half with him and we'll eat it with fruit and yogurt. But I have to call them cupcakes, not muffins, or Parker won't eat them. Of course.

OK, so I admit that I added one bonus non-deceptive ingredient: mini chocolate chips. I had them on hand and thought it would be cute to make a smiley face on each one.


Ingredients:
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar.
1/2 cup natural peanut butter (edit: or you can substitute with something like almond butter... yum)
1/2 cup carrot or cauliflower puree (I just used one of those carrot baby food jars)
1/2 cup banana puree (about 2 ripe bananas smashed)
1 large egg white (I just put the whole egg in... kids can handle a little cholesterol, right?)
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
(optional) Handful mini chocolate chips (or just decorative on top)

Edit: Other ingredients I've tried with success:
(optional) 1 tbsp ground flax seed
(optional) 1 tbsp fiber powder

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 Degrees Fahrenheit. Coat 12 cup muffin tin with nonstick cooking spray or line with muffin tins.

In a large bowl, mix the brown sugar, peanut butter (or substitute), purees and the egg with a wooden spoon.

Put the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a ziploc bag or bowl and mix. Add to the peanut butter mixture and stir until just combined.

Divide the batter into the muffin cups. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until lightly browned and a toothpick comes out clean. Cool on rack.

Hint: After cooling, wrap each muffin with saran wrap, and then put them all in a gallon freezer bag before freezing them. Then you can take them out of the bag one at a time as needed. They don't stay as fresh without the bag. But be sure to sample at least one of them fresh from the oven... just to make sure they're good. ;)

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"When I told you my troubles, you answered my prayers." Psalm 119:26

"I obey your word instead of following a way that leads to trouble. You have been my teacher, and I won't reject your instructions. Your teachings are sweeter than honey. They give me understanding and make me hate all lies." Psalm 119:101-104

Thankful Thursday: I Love My Hubby

I know I've been neglecting my Thankful Thursday blogs! But today is a very special edition of Thankful Thursday, dedicated to my husband:

I'm thankful my hubby ate my meatloaf on Monday.

I'm thankful my hubby has been coming home happier this week, despite the meatloaf.

I'm thankful my hubby appreciated Tuesday's meal with Wednesday leftovers even more after Monday's meatloaf.

I'm thankful my hubby loves us so much!

I'm thankful that my hubby can still be silly with me.

I'm thankful for our date nights each week. Yes, we generally say no TV or computers on date night, but we made an exception last night because we had to use YouTube in order to learn the Three Amigos "My Little Buttercup" dance. Yes folks, you read that right, we spent the evening trying to learn a silly dance. And here's the evidence (that is, evidence that we may need to spend a few more date nights working on it to get it down):

And I'm really thankful that he will eventually forgive me for posting this on the internet.
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"Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them" - Colossians 3:19

Parker's First Cut with the Clippers

Wordless Wednesday