Men... Why We Love Them

Remember the "newlywed" days when you couldn't wait to see the other person, when you relished every moment spent together, and when you used the restroom you shut the door, turned on the fan and ran the water to drown out any embarrassing noises? Me neither.

I have a vague recollection of this happening, though.

Fast forward 10 years. We still only have one bathroom. Things can get a little ugly when someone's in the shower or getting ready at the sink and the other really has to "go." Needless to say, I rarely bother to even shut the door anymore. If I spend more than two minutes in the bathroom with the door shut my little "follows-me-everywhere" Parker is opening it anyway.

I've been teaching him about privacy. He will give it to me when I ask (for a minute if I'm lucky). Sometimes I swear he has the memory of a goldfish. Actually, it's probably more because I ask for it that it makes him all the more curious. Especially during "that time" of the month. It's usually the only time I bother to ask for it.

The other day he closed the door when I asked for privacy. Thirty seconds later he popped it back open. He left it open and walked toward his room. 10 seconds later he was nonchalantly passing by, pretending not to look but looking nonetheless. Another 10 seconds and he walks by the other direction doing the same thing. It took every stern mothering instinct in me not to laugh at his antics despite the indecent exposure on my part.

My husband is a little more private about his private stuff. He actually locks the door. But he has gotten a little more lenient about "letting loose" in the restroom. Out of necessity, he had to give in and start peeing in front of me. He was so embarrassed about it at first. "Don't look!" Of course I teased him to no end and pretended to look while really trying not to. I mean, who (in their right mind) wants to see that? But I've learned some new things from this endeavor...

Wait, let me back up a little. I complain about having one bathroom, but we have some really funny memories in the bathroom that I wouldn't want to change for anything. Hubby and I almost always do our bedtime routine in the bathroom together. The bathroom is between our room and Parker's room, so we try to be as quiet as possible when he's asleep. This is not usually feasible when we're trying hard not to laugh at each other's grossness (is that a word? well it is now).

For example, one time while we were brushing our teeth, Jake realized he had to fart. In an effort to muffle the fart, he decided to back up (beep... beep... beep...) into his towel before letting go. Bad idea. Somehow it was magnified ten times as it bounced off the wall behind the towel. I nearly choked on my toothpaste.

OK, so back to the prior subject of urination. I've noticed that Jake seems to fart at the end of every pee (OK, so farts are still in the subject as well). The other night I asked him if it was physically possible for him to pee without farting and he simply stated, "No."

Then I started picturing a public men's room with a man at every urinal, each one farting as if to state, "I'm man, I'm almost done peeing, hear me roar!" When I voiced this mental picture aloud to hubby, he matter of factly stated, "Oh, it happens all the time. It's generally accepted. It's not like everyone stops and points to laugh... unless it smells horrible. Then we wait until the person leaves and someone states 'Did you SMELL that?'"

Another mental picture pops in my head of a group of men crowding around to get a sniff.

A couple of nights ago I had to smile when I passed by the bathroom and hubby was helping Parker use the potty. Parker insisted on standing up like Dada, but this time he didn't want a stool because Dada doesn't use one. Imagine this if you can... nearly 2.5 year-old Parker is on his tippy toes and Jake is holding his armpits. P's "boys" are "resting" on the toilet rim. Jake is cheering him on as he (somehow) makes it in the bowl.

The smile on my face quickly faded when a new picture popped in my head. Parker, as a grown man, farting while pinching off the last of his pee.

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"Words of wisdom are a stream that flows from a deep fountain." Proverbs 18:4